Why me?

Job Hunting.Yet again!.

I can't seem to get shifts where I currently work; I don't even receive the emails that I need to confirm the days where I can work. Sadly, I haven't had work in over a month and it is really taking a toll on me. I am constantly relying on Daniel to save my ass and it is really making me feel guilty - it's not his job to look after me, I should look after myself and be able to provide for myself as well.

Why is this happening to me?

When I am constantly looking for a job, I feel like shit because I know that none of these companies are going to get back to me, but when they do, it's to tell me that 'there were too many applicants' and that 'I am not successful.' Tell me something I don't know!

I got an offer from a Manager because i posted my CV online. It was for a stunning hotel, I mean when I say stunning I mean Holy Shit what an expensive hotel. Believe me, you would have needed to be seriously successful, rich, and probably went to Oxford for this sort of hotel break. They wanted to invite me for an interview! How amazing is that - out of everyone they chose me! The worst part was that it is North Yorkshire and I live in Central Manchester so it is a mission away. I can't believe that they would offer me an interview even with the distance; that must say something about me right?

Am I good enough to work in a super stunning hotel that pretty much has rich people all over it's ass? Think how much I would have got paid and how big the tips would be!!

Too bad I live so far away and can't bloody drive!

Anyway, the big question I ask everyday is... Why me? Why have I deserved to be unemployed and not be able to find another job whilst relying on my Fiance to save my ass all the time? I look, I apply, I fail. I had three jobs (spread out through the year of course) not long ago and I was able to pay for myself, but look at me now; jobless. How did it get to this? Why am i the one to fail? What did I do wrong?

So many questions, no answers.

To be fair, I am grateful to Daniel for saving my ass and I wouldn't know what I would do without him.

For now I just have to hope. Hoping is good right?

Hopefully, one way or another, someone will offer me a job and I will be able to start my life again and be able to do the things I want without being skint all the time...... If only ......

Being the only one out of my siblings to move out and start my own life, (remembering that I once, not long ago, paid for myself,) is an accomplishment and I am able to say that my parents are proud of me. I have come so far and I am not one of those people who would go back to how things were, I fight for what I want and what I need, so going back is not an option.

I believe that I will be able to get a great job, earn money, pay my way, treat myself, and be able to do the things I want to do. I want to travel, get a great car, get a great house.. fuck it.. I want to buy my own house and make it MINE. 

Everyone has a dream, but it takes the dreamer to work his/her ass off and make his/her dreams come true.

~xoxo~







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