Summer side effects

First side effect of Summer is asthma. What I never realised about Daniel last year was that during the Summer his asthma strikes - badly. He never has any problem with asthma during an opposed time of the year or even during a game of football - he only informed me today about it all. 

Last summer I didn't notice the cough, but that was presumably as a result of only spending time together a couple times a week for half a day, so if he was having a coughing fit, I anticipated that it was merely caused by a tickly throat of some sort. 

My poor baby has been suffering from mini coughing fits all afternoon and it is quite concerning - it is like he is about to cough up a lung or two. He is also wheezing when he breaths, which is quite irritating for me never mind himself. Likewise, I do feel sorry for him.

Between coughing fits, Daniel and I thought of ways to relieve him of the cough, and the solution was with the Covonia cough medicine - Daniel absolutely hates it! Let me show you how our conversation went and how elaborate he explained the taste of Covonia:

Me: "Why don't you try Gaviscon? It works a treat - well it did for me, you should try it and see if it helps. You do know what I mean? You know, the medicine that is pink with the bull on the front."

D: *Wheeze* "Don't you mean Covonia?" *Wheeze*

Me: "Yeah that one."

D: "Ugh I hate Covonia. It tastes like arse dipped in piss. Lauren, you know when you walk down the street and see dog shit on the floor...?"

Me: *Nods*

D: "...and you lick it, also it's like black shit on a spoon. Do you know when I get home from work and I smell? Imagine sucking on my armpit hair then drinking my fart. Covonia tastes like all of that on a plastic spoon."

Me: *Gob smacked* "I'm just glad I love you, you weirdo." *laughs*

Another Summer Side Effect is humidity at night. You will know what I mean when I state that it is when you are lay in bed at stupid o'clock in the morning thanks to it being so damn humid and you just can't sleep. It's even worse when you are on your 'time of the month' or as some of you girls say: "when the painter is in," and you have to wear underwear along with a pair of pajama shorts but it makes your arse crack sweat. On top of that, the sad thing is, you can't do anything about it. 

With being on your time of the month, you are already cranky and over heat quite quickly, so the humidity of your bedroom really shits on your parade when you really need your sleep. I don't look this good from having only NO AMOUNT of sleep! (Just kidding... it takes a lot of effort to make myself look even half decent.)

Fucking hot in your room at night now, right? I can't even open my window at night; actually I can, I just choose not too for the reason that I don't like hearing the outside noise and having a cold breeze in the room. Not having a fan is also unsatisfactory at this time of year, I don't like how a fan makes a blatant noise so I can't sleep with that either. It's like a lose lose situation. On the contrary, I do like my front room to be humid during the day, however, I would like it more if it wasn't humid in my bedroom and if I could sleep. I will tell you soon in another post what I also don't like - stay tuned for that one!

Right now, Daniel is sound asleep next to me, (how? How are you asleep Daniel, have you taken sleeping pills for this heat? What is your magic? Whatever you are using, I want some,) but he seems to be heavy breathing. I am not sure whether it's because of the heat of the room or because of his asthma - I can't blame the humidity if it is his chest that's the issue.

I am getting worried though, what if he has a coughing fit in his sleep and chokes? Is that even possible? Ahhh I worry too much. I wish I could just take the asthma away from him.

Have you ever seen a vulgar girl walking down the street in short shorts and a crop top, whilst the size of a whale? This is a coarse summer side effect. It burns my eyes! Don't even get me started on the crude skinny white wanna-be-black lads walking round the town topless with their snapbacks, pants under their arse showing their cheap boxers, whilst wearing a fake gold chain around their necks and showing off their lame tattoos. I wish I could choke them with those chains - dole dossing, waste of space, deadbeat underdogs. Blah!

Let me give you an example:

This IS how you should look in short shorts.
Sexy right?
No I am not lesbian, I just know what is nice for men. 

This is NOT

Someone please shoot her. Or me. Which ever is best - I wish not to see this anymore.

Okay, so let me give you an example of what men should dress in summer. The key word in this is MEN.

So this is how men SHOULD dress
Cute yeah?

Now this is how men should NOT dress

Sooooo crude. There is nothing appealing with this look. Look at the pictures of how a man should look in summer - now that is appealing! Guys, how would you like it if your kid dressed like this on a day to day basis? Not good right? Girls with class do NOT find this sexy, girls with class do NOT think you are attractive at all, girls with class would NEVER go near you if you dressed like this.

The only girls (I use the term 'girls' loosely, as the breed I am about to describe could also be a butch woman) that would ever go near you are the ones who: wear a two piece tight pink Adidas tracksuit, big cheap fake-gold hoop earrings, wearing their hair up in a greasy pony tail with that chavy one strand of hair falling over their greasy face, whilst snorting and smoking god-knows-what, and living in dirty council flats on a rough estate. Yums!

Please, lads who dress like this: GET SOME DIGNITY. YOU LOOK LIKE DIRTY SCUMBAGS WITH NO SEX APPEAL. Gah! Knocks me sick, so skinny, so ugly, so blah. 

That concludes the Summer side effects so far!

See you later.

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