Sleepless Nights

Being used to having insomnia and being a night owl, I have no problem with staying up all night as long as I have free day to catch up on my sleep. However, when I am awake and see Alex agitated, tossing and turning whilst attempting to sleep, but also grunting and moaning because he is either too hot or can't get comfortable, I feel helpless as there isn't much I can do. The only thing I could do is suggest he lie on a duvet or get in a hot shower.

It is around 5am now and neither of us have been to sleep - hopefully Alex gets some sleep before he has work late afternoon. I, for one, is going to be knackered seen as I am visiting a friend and her gorgeous baba in the afternoon, but as usual, I have no luck sleeping.

Now I am used to being awake all night, I find myself doing useful things. Currently, I am looking at College and University courses to help me get the career I want, but I am finding courses that are not around Manchester. Sadly, I would have to move or stay at the campus wherever I need to be - away from home and away from Alex.

I threw my chance of going to College for free and doing a pre-degree because of my last partner; I felt guilt tripped into not studying and to go straight into work that wouldn't benefit my career goal in the slightest. Maybe I should just find a job in the area I want as a Career and work my way up. Damn, I would have to start wayyy at the bottom picking up after everyone and making teas and coffees. Ugh. 

If any employers are reading this: I didn't mean what I just said. I love picking up after people and slaving about making cups of teas and coffees. ;)

Questions are swimming through my mind right now. Bare with me, let me just jot them down. Most of them are rhetorical. (Spelt that right first time round for the first time in my life. *Pats myself on the back*)

Should I move away from family and my boyfriend for the sake of studying and gain a Degree towards my Career?

Can the relationship cope with me being away most of the time?

Am I shooting a bullet below the waste?

What if I do the course but can't find a job after? Hmm.. well i'd be qualified enough.

Would I have to break up with Alex for the sake of concentrating on my Career? No, I wouldn't... would I?

Will it cost too much?

Would I take out a loan?

Can I cope knowing I will be in debt £9,000? If it's a University course.

Would College make me pay to study? Well, I will be twenty when the study year starts. Damn it.

Should I do the course?

So much to think about, so much to discuss. O dear. Can I do this? Of course I can do it, so the real question is.... should I do this?

Much love,


  1. Of course you should! I started uni this year and whilst I'm not in a relationship, my two best friends are and they're as happy as ever with their partners! Sounds like you really care about your boyfriend, so I wouldn't worry x

    1. I do care a lot about my boyfriend. I always seem to put others first before myself. Thank you for the kind words, you have given me more confidence to push myself to do the right thing and go to Uni x


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