Dear sixteen year old self

Get your act together. You know nothing about life, you are some sixteen year old girl who has just left High School, what do you know? Ugh i really hate high school kids. Though you are young and think you know everything, there is a lot that will and may go wrong depending on which path you choose to take. There are many regrets; many mistakes you will make along the way whatever path you choose.

Believe me, whatever step you are about to take now, think carefully. Today you could just simply stand on the bug, the next, you could be hit by a bus. Splat. You have so much potential, yet you are naive and think you know best - you don't, not yet. Please listen to the advice I give you because who can you listen to if you don't even listen to your future self?

One suggestion I want to just strongly push towards you is DON'T even think about dating that guy you saw at your sweet sixteenth. Absolute waste of your time and space. Initials D.B. Though he seems sweet and funny at first, and the times you spend together you will cherish, but something just clicks and breaks, he isn't the one for you but you have to learn that for yourself.

Another thing. START EATING PROPER MEALS. You aren't some salad eating mutant, get some grub down you girl, meats good. Steak, eat steak. You love the steak. Otherwise it is just one big downwards spiral to bone city. I know - you want to have that perfect jaw structure and cheek bones, but you are so young, your body is still changing and you still have your baby cheeks. Those will go, I promise you that, just give it time. 

You don't want everyone worrying about you now, do you? Okay, I have to admit, you finally have your dream body, but I worked hard to get healthy because of the stupid decisions you may take right now. Please eat Lauren, please find foods you love but also foods that will help you stay strong; help you be healthy; and most important, help you stay beautiful.

So young. So naive. So damn stupid. You are about to go to College for two years so do me a favour and get better grades than a DMM. You won't know what that means yet but it means Distinction, Merit, Merit - they are good grades by all means, but you are Lauren, you can up your potential and show everyone what you really are capable of.

Lauren, now listen closely. You will meet a guy with the initials D.L. and you will fall for him. You may or may not listen to me but if he proposes, say no. There won't be and never will be a ring. I am pretty sure it is a pity proposal that he will do, but you never know, he could choose a different path in life too - he could be the man of your dreams. He is gorgeous, yet he wasn't for me at that time; he chose a wrong path, turns out that I did too.

However, you and D.L will build a friendship after a long rocky road throwing insults back and forth to each other, but you will reconnect and you will get back onto speaking terms. This may happen, it may not. You are both extremely happy with your lives right now; you both found loved ones and you both seem to have made the right decision to call the engagement and the relationship off.

When the time comes, you finish your two years of College, so please do the Pre-Degree and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's free, and you won't get that chance again - don't do the same mistake as me. Go to University too. Believe me, I took the wrong path at this point; I wish I could go back and do exactly this, you have time, you can carry on your education. Whether you choose to listen it's up to you, just make the right decision.

Forget about men for the time being, focus on your career. Men are an open distraction and you don't need it. Aim to be the best.

However, one thing I know for sure is that those huge DD breasts you have are a gift you should cherish now, they will shrink. Shame really. Don't worry, you will still be sexy as fuck and extremely self-absorbed in four years time.. with a habit if swearing too much. Anyway, enjoy those breasts whilst you have them. Oh, start saving for a boob job now, just a little warning.

If you choose to ignore everything I have just told you, you will suffer the consequences of the life I have had. It's not all bad, it just takes you four years to go right back where you started at sixteen: jobless and living with your parents. On the plus side, you will/may have an amazing boyfriend. Initials are A.L, don't worry about his age, your parents will love him anyway. A.L is more than you will ever hope for when it comes to a man and relationships; he is the male version of you. 

He keeps promises; he makes you happy; he believes in you when you don't believe in yourself; he is your King and you are his Queen. Keep hold of him, he's a good'en.

Lauren, you eventually figure out you are a very spiritual person just like when you was a toddler. You will be able to feel and sense spiritual presence around you, especially in A.L's house. Don't be afraid, it is extremely friendly - I am pretty sure it is the old woman that sadly passed away in the house. Be polite, say thank you, tell her you don't mind her being there. She doesn't mind you being there.

I hope you listen to your nineteen year old self, yes she is still young, yet she has many life skills and mistakes to learn from. I honestly think that I am not extremely happy with my life, yet I would change some of my past if I could. I hope you take everything I have said into consideration.

Take no prisoners,
Pick your path,
Pick wisely,

Four years into the future,


Ps// you have an amazing blog that you will be extremely proud of soon enough.
Pss// Don't take no bitches, be the Bitch.


  1. You are awful at blogging

    1. I want the three minutes back of my life that it took me to read this...

    2. Well anonymous, its a real shame. And its a shame you haven't got any balls to show your name and have to hide behind 'anonymous' . But in life we can't have everything

  2. You're in no position to be turning down David Beckham. I didn't know he had started doing birthday party appearances. Times must be hard...


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