New Year Reso-bullshit

In all honesty, who the f*** actually completes these resolutions?

Okay, I am making a realistic short list based on real lists, (not my actual list, it is merely for your entertainment) but let me just add my sarcastic twist and tell you the real outcomes per point.


Here goes.


1: Go to the gym

Get's fat after complaining they are fat after eating too much crap because they feel so down about being fat.

2: Find a new job

Signs on to Job Seekers. Spends the money on cheap cans of lager and weed. Sits on street corners.

3: Quit job

Decides to lick boss' arse. Realises what brown tongue really means.

4: Save up for a brand new, expensive, beautiful Audi A3

Goes on Ebay and buys a second hand Ford Focus.

5: Find a boyfriend / girlfriend

Ends up turning into next door's window licking stalker.

6: Go to University to actually study for a Career

Blows student loan on Freshers week and pot noodles. Moves back home with parents.

7: (16yrs old ish) Lose virginity.

40 year old virgin.

8: Move out of parent's house

Finds a flat at the bottom of the street, finds out they are scared of the dark. Moves back home.

9: Just save up

Gullably spends what little pocket money mummy and daddy gave them on drunken weekends with friends. Complains they have no money.

10: Change - new year, new me

Still the same old boring bastard they were last year.



Tell me I got this completely wrong.


Much love.

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