You are not alone | Anxiety

Since I was around seventeen and left my family home, I began to have regular panic attacks - I wasn't sure why. Around three to five times a week I would randomly feel like my chest was being squeezed; my clothes felt two sizes too small; I had so much shortness of breath; and I would sweat like you wouldn't believe.

I believe it all started when I was too young [in my opinion] to move away from my family and live with my [now ex] fiancĂ©. There was too much change; too much pressure; too much for me to handle. Stupidly, I thought I could handle "being and adult," as every teen thinks they are. No matter how old you are (me, being twenty, still sees myself as a teenager) you always need your Mum; don't deny it. Whenever we feel low, or whenever we feel like we can't go on, we all cry out for our Mums. 

Going to the Doctors about my panic attacks was a big thing for me and I would refuse point blank to even acknowledge I had a problem - I was in denial. Even so, I finally plucked up the courage, and I was told because of my consistent panic attacks many times a week, I had depression. I knew I did but I didn't want to believe it. At that time with the Doctor I was offered to be put on Anti-Depressants to help with the Panic Attacks, but I refused as they restrict Job opportunities and I thought I was too young to be put on pills. I decided to try and conquer the depression myself.

Constantly, I would worry that I would HAVE to go on pills; not that I had anything against them or have anything against people who are on them, I just didn't think they were for me, or that my depression was as bad as the Doctor thinks. Depression; panic attacks; anxiety. I had them all. If you have been reading my blog for some time, you will know how open I am and how much I love to help others who are suffering with the same problems - this is that time, also. 

I believe writing down my anxiety problems will help you if you also suffer from it too, and also if you suffer depression. Even my parents don't know the full extent of my depression and anxiety, because I was too shy and paranoid that they would want me to be kept on a leash [per se] and I didn't want the constant check ups.

What may happen during an anxiety/panic attack
  • feeling claustrophobic
  • rapid breathing or feeling unable to breathe
  • rapid heartbeat
  • feeling faint or have dizziness
  • tingling or numbness in your hands and feet
  • hot or cold flushes
  • feeling nauseous
  • feeling smothered
  • being extremely emotional/uncontrollable crying
  • feelings of unreality (depersonalisation and de-realisation)

Depression. What you may notice
  • persistent sadness or low mood
  • not being able to enjoy things
  • losing interest in life
  • finding it harder to make decisions
  • not coping with things that used to be easy
  • feeling exhausted
  • feeling restless and agitated;
  • loss of appetite and weight
  • difficulties getting to sleep
  • loss of sex drive
  • thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
Many of you know that I suffered a month or so ago with insane insomnia where I could not sleep at night no matter how hard I tried. Even when I would lie in bed for hours on end counting sheep, meditating, or even using hypnosis music. You can find the music I used here. Eventually, the hypnosis music worked. I do recommend using hypnosis music that works for you. Don't just use the one I have shown in my post, as that may not work for you.

Thought of self-harm became a reality before I knew it, I began to cut my hand. Why the hand? The hand heals quickly, and I didn't want to cut my wrist. Not all self-harmer's cut their wrists, which is a pretty stereotypical accusation to make. We can self-harm in more ways than one; that doesn't even mean just cutting the skin. For example, starving yourself is self-harm, do you get the gist? People think the sufferers self-harm for attention - I didn't want attention, not in that way. I was paranoid as it was; the anxiety caused paranoia, so even to this day, I will feel paranoid from the slightest comment on my looks, the way I write, or even the way I do everyday things.

I will hide away when I feel paranoid, which is not healthy, I should sit down with that person who brought on my paranoia and tell them what they did to cause it, and what they can do to help in the future. There is a lot of baggage that comes with Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks, that I can't even write them all down now. 

To this day I will suffer from panic attacks, but the depression and anxiety has still not been conquered to the full extent - it has been three years. I have coped with the help of current and past boyfriends, and I couldn't have done it without them. When I have panic attacks now, you would expect them to be when I am out meeting new people, filming my Youtube Videos, or even going somewhere new; that is far from the truth. Honestly, no really, this is the most honest I can be right now... I suffer from panic attacks at intimate times.

How horrible! Intimate times are supposed to help with anxiety, but to me, anxiety creeps up at the wrong.. oh so wrong times. It is not an Always time I get anxiety and have panic attacks where I can't breath and need air, but I do have times where I am fine. 

Some of you reading this will just think: "oh that doesn't happen, why would she go through that at such a time?" Well, if you don't have depression, anxiety, or suffer with regular panic attacks like I do, then I suggest you do some research, or condole in a close friend and actually take notice of what they go through. It isn't pretty. 

This anxiety isn't something I am proud of, I would very much rather be, so called, "normal" but not everyone can have what they want. Maybe I have this to help you, you whom also suffers from a "mental illness." (That is in "" because I hate that phrase.) We, whom suffer, are people who don't deserve the constant anxiety attacks, the really low lows, or even the shortness of breath with panic attacks. Truly, I am writing this to help you, but also so I can look back in the future to see how well I have coped, but also how much I have helped everyone else around me.

One in Five people suffer from Depression - it is more common than you think. Helping others or even giving them some support can make their lives so much easier. Support can come in all different ways: a text message asking if that person is okay; a little quote that you know may help boost their happiness that day; a hug; or even a smile. Just let the person know you are there for them and you understand [to a certain extent] what they are going through and you want to help them.

Panic and anxiety attacks aren't always obvious - they can come at all levels. Recently, my anxiety attacks have been mild to the point where even Alexander hasn't noticed; the mild attacks I can handle like a pro now. Even though it has been just over three years since I started having anxiety and panic attacks, I still suffer from huge, awful attacks where I do need help to calm down.

At my worst I will feel claustrophobic, shaky, sweaty, almost like I am being strangled and having my chest pressed together. It affects my everyday life. Attacks can creep up on you and give you a surprise you wish you was never given. 

The key to calming yourself down again (what I do) is to drink cold water [not freezing] and sip it slowly. This gives yourself chance to slow breath without you actually noticing. Take all your upper clothes off, sit with your legs crossed and hold your hands together with your fingers entwined whilst leaning forwards. Honestly, this helps me a lot.

Because I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks, I decided that I would go braless most of the time. Recently, the attacks have come back, so choosing to go braless really is a life saver as us girls who know how hard it is to unbuckle the bra whilst panicking. We're like men when we panic and try to take off that god forsaken item.

I really hope this post has helped you if you also suffer from either depression, anxiety, panic attacks or all three of these. Alternatively, I hope that even if you don't suffer from this mental illness yourself, that you can help a friend in need and know how to help when the attacks occur. 

Please respect those who suffer from all or one of these illnesses - they suffer enough as it is. Please respect this post and the help I am trying to give to others. Please respect my decision to open up, as hard as it already is. This is the first time I have gone into full extent on my illness, so be respectful and do not leave hate.

You are not alone in this. 

If you ever need to talk just email me @ or drop a comment below.

Very, very much love,


  1. I thought this was a wonderful blogpost and I think it's great that you've shared all of this. It's very brave and I hope you feel very proud of yourself - I know how hard it is to write this kind of post! All of your advice is great and I will definitely take it on board if I suffer a panic attack, I've had a couple in the past but it's never been too much of an issue, but I know how scary it is. I wish I could go without a bra though, so jel! Looking forward to seeing more posts & so glad I've come across your blog :) xxxxxx

    1. Thank you so much for the kind comment! I'm glad it has helped you and that you enjoyed my story :) Haha wearing a bra is great you should try it! Thank you :) xxxx

  2. Such an important topic and I really respect and admire you for sharing this post Lauren. I share my own health battles on my blog now and then and it isn't easy being so vulnerable, open and honest with things so personal to you but you are probably helping a lot more people than you know. I have suffered with insomnia for about 4 years and it's just hell, sleep hypnosis music sometimes helps so I'm going to give the linked one a go.
    Again, thank you for sharing this. So much love ♥

    Hayley-Eszti |

    1. Thank you so much for the comment, I read it as soon as I woke up and it made me smile! <3
      I'm going to have a nosy at your blog now, I want to see how you write to help other with your insomnia. I hope the songs on my link help you! You're very welcome Hayley - Eszti xx

  3. Brilliant post. I'm currently signed off work for anxiety and I feel really embarrassed as they don't understand. I need to call them to tell them I have been signed off again but physically cant pick up the phone! Love that people talk about it now. For me its the chest tightness, claustrophobia is ridiculous and I just started fainting/near fainting so had to finally give in to meds. good luck to you and I will keep reading xx

    1. Thank you for the kind words Laura! Sorry to hear you are at a bad faze with the anxiety at the moment, I hope your work understand pretty soon as it is such a horrible illness. Feel better soon hunny! Thanks again xx

  4. Being anxious is very challenging and it affects different people in different ways and to different extents. I think opening up about it takes a bit of its sting away; though I appreciate that not everyone is comfortable with that. I'm not keen on medication either, so I understand your resistance to being prescribed antidepressants. All the very best as you continue to walk through this road and learn how to cope.

    Thanks for sharing your codes on FB :-)

    1. You are completely right there, its like how people cope in different ways and I feel writing it all down, like you said, takes a bit of the sting away. Thank you so much, and you're welcome, always happy to help!

  5. Your blog is helpful and informative. Thanks for sharing a nice post about Anxiety. For more information Click on here: Anxiety Canberra.


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