Pregnancy Diary | November

4th November
Can you believe that I am FOURTEEN weeks pregnant exactly today?! How time flies, honestly, I am actually shocked at how quick pregnancy goes. People complain that it drags, but I am feeling like before I know it, I will blink and there will be a baby in my arms.

Today, I felt a little hand or leg drag across my belly whilst I had my palm on my stomach. I'm not going to lie, I kind of shit myself a little (metaphorically) and my heart began to beat faster. Had I really felt my baby so early on? Once I had calmed back down, I re-placed my hand back on the same spot and felt the baby move again! There's a little alien inside me! 

I don't think I mentioned that Hayley had her anatomy scan when I had my first scan - she is having a BOY! I have a nephew on the way!!! You have no idea how excited I am.

6th November
On the 4th I mentioned being able to feel a little arm or leg drag across a small part of my stomach and it creeped me out a bit, so today I remembered that Alexander gets freaked out by the tiny things like this... it was time to see his reaction!

So later tonight, I placed Alexander's hand around the place where I thought the baby was, waited a little while, and quicker than I expected, Alexander looked up at me with the facial expression of shock and happiness whilst moving his hand away fast. He loved the feeling of the movements so he went to feel again. I think he was as shocked as me but excited to re-feel the baby. You should have seen how excited he was, it was so cute.

14th November
15 weeks 3 days today! Not much happened during the day so I just wanted to update you that I felt the baby properly - KICKS! I felt small kicks around eight times in my lower abdominal area. Sadly, Alexander was asleep next to me and there is no waking him when he is out of it; if you do manage to wake him, there is no chance he will remember what happened the next morning so there was no point in disturbing him. I got to feel the kicks and enjoy it to myself - little selfish. Oh well! He said, hopefully, he will catch the baby kick next time he comes to stay again.

I still suffer from headaches and sore breasts - mainly in the nipple area. TMI.

16th November
I have been complaining lately about not having a proper bump when I am almost 16 weeks pregnant. Now today I woke up and my belly "popped" as women say!

18th November
It doesn't happen often, but the baby kicked whilst Alexander was awake and he actually felt them. Believe me, I thought the kicks would be too light to feel, also, that I thought that the kicks were only felt on the inside, but NOPE, he felt them! The baby is the size of an AVOCADO today. 

Late today, as well as feeling kicks, we noticed my belly had gotten bigger too. Apparently the baby has had a growth spurt, I am not complaining, keep growing baby! By Christmas I should be huge, but Alexander still calls me beautiful everyday. 

21st November
For the first time in MANY weeks, I had worked a shift at the local pub; it was a leaving do so the landlord asked me to help out so she could get drunk and enjoy herself at her own do - of course! She deserved her last weekend free to drink and have fun at her own party; I have bar experience; I needed the money.
I worked from 8pm until 1am, and Alexander decided to take advantage of the cheap-priced beer and me being barmaid and got a little drunk - I didn't mind. When the shift finished, Alexander told me how proud he was of me and called me caring and beautiful. *blushes* well I do try. After the hours working, and not doing much for the past couple months, my body was really actually starting to ache so I was glad to have finished and get home to sleep.

25th November
Never thought I would wake up to see the baby all curled up on the left hand side of my belly button.  The baby was in my right hip for days playing music on my nerves - so painful - it was good to have a change and to see where my baby was sleeping. You should have felt it, it was like a slightly squidgy rock, that eventually slipped to the centre of my stomach and stretched out. 

It really is amazing what happens inside a woman's body when there is a baby growing inside. Alien comes to mind when you feel something sliding/swimming inside you, but it's also a magical feeling to have. You are growing a happy little baby that plays, kicks and sleeps inside you so peacefully.

27th November
As a dedicated reader, or a new reader, you should know that I love to eat and go out; today was my cousin's 18th Birthday and she decided to have a meal out in a world buffet. FOOD! Being pregnant, I wasn't really feeling up to it, but I couldn't let her down, I struggled to find a good outfit, and I even went out and brought some thigh-high boots, therefore, I had to go. 

Remember my favourite black and white skirt from Yeah, well I actually squeezed into it even with a baby bump! BONUS. My outfit was short and sweet, kind of cute actually. Not going to lie, my feet we killing at the end of the night but it was worth every single pain. How cute is my bump in this outfit though?

28th November
Just wanted to give you an update on what happened this morning. I got my first lying down bump! Normally when I lie down, I don't even look slightly pregnant or even feel the baby inside me, however, today I saw I had this bump and I could feel what seems like a rock which is the baby! 

Excuse the underwear, just concentrate on the bump!

Month summary: I never thought that such dramatic things would happen so quick. The change from a small hand/foot dragging across my belly, to popping out, to then feeling kicks from the inside and then out! The speed a baby grows is incredible, and scary at the same time, a lot can change in a short amount of time.

Much love,

Christmas month is here tomorrow, so for BLOGMAS this year I am going to do my December Diary every single day. Is that cheating? OH WELL. Blogmas is Blogmas!

Counteractive Contraception & Complicated Conception

You all know me to be the typical 'go with the flow' Blogger who will express views and opinions many agree and disagree too, but today's post is all about my life since I became sexually active. Now this may be a topic that is TMI to you, but it could also help others through the same struggles as I went through.

This post will be all about my body and the affects Contraception caused, and how much I struggled to Conceive. My story will be shared brutally honestly so there will be parts you may not like or agree with, but that's just life, I am sharing my story to educate people about what I went through, also, to educate them on what CAN go on in a woman's body.

A woman's body is a wonderful machine; we bleed once a month for [about] a week; we create and grow life; we produce milk to feed the little one; and our bodies shape shift to fit and push out a life. How amazing is the woman's body?

Now, a woman has expectations, but when reality hits, you may get slapped in the face. Not all bodies do exactly what is glamorized and there can be weaknesses, fails, struggles, and discourage. There are women who were born not to be the typical way -  things aren't easy.

Let me just start with my counteractions with conception.

It all started when I was 16:
After my sweet sixteenth when my High School years had flew by, I became sexually active with my first love. In school we were taught about condoms and preventing pregnancy but we were never taught about other options and the affects & side affects that can happen to you when you use them. (Here's a link to a post I created about Sex Education to educate High School students.) 

As a naive sixteen year old girl experiencing her first time, I only used condoms not knowing that they can fail. Luckily, this condom didn't fail. My Mum found out I was sexually active and sent me to the Doctors to get one type of Contraceptive Pill so I had my own kind of protection as well as my first love using condoms. 

It was a couple of months later when the Pill began causing head aches and migraines so I had to stop taking them and tried a new kind of contraception instead - Contraceptive Implant; a small rod placed in your left arm that blocks sperm from reaching the egg. What I loved most about the implant was that I didn't have periods for around 6 months and it was all plain sailing, until the 6 month point hit; seems that the time I hadn't had a period had caught up with me and I bled for three months straight.

Sadly, the relationship with my first love didn't last and neither did my tolerance to the Contraceptive Implant. As I was losing a lot of blood and I felt dizzy all the time, I realised it was time to go to the Doctors, take the Implant out and find another option. Luckily, there is a Contraceptive Injection the Doctor will give you that is injected into the top of your bum - it doesn't hurt much - every three months you re-inject this contraception. 

As well as trying all these contraceptives, I was still using condoms, but there was a catch, I hadn't realised that the itching and rashes I was suffering with was because I am allergic to Latex. Condoms were no longer used. Me, being young and naive, decided that because I was already trying all these other contraceptives and I was allergic to typical condoms, that I would stop using them. Yes, there are other types of condoms that don't involve latex, but I just thought "what the heck, i'm protective a different way," and didn't bother buying alternative condoms.

Eventually, I couldn't tolerate this contraceptive injection also, so it was time to go back to the Doctors to find, yet again, another alternative. I didn't mention before, but there are many types of Contraceptive Pills so I was offered another type of pill to try - more head aches. As I was single and the pill was AGAIN causing headaches, I didn't bother taking my pills. Honestly, I did use condoms when active and suffered through my allergic reaction; rather that than an unplanned pregnancy, right?

It was around six months later I found my ex-fiancé and we were active. Stupidly, the only thing i could think of to help 'prevent' (I say that lightly) is the Pull Out Method; if you are young and naive, please listen to me, this is not in anyway shape or form a real contraceptive method, you will eventually catch and get pregnant. For the next year or so we used this 'method' occasionally until we decided that "what ever happens, happens" and a baby would be welcome in our world.

As all things come to an end, the relationship broke off after eighteen months together and eight months trying. As I was active after this relationship, I did, again, suffer through allergic reactions and used condoms - I was not stupid enough to have an unplanned pregnancy. After a month, I met my now Boyfriend and we started dating. I told him about my body rejecting contraceptives and explained which ones I had tried and failed with, but we were stupid and didn't protect ourselves in the end anyway.

Only after a month of dating and knowing the age of my boyfriend, we decided to try for a baby as this is what we both really wanted in life. Don't judge me. This is where my Complication with Conception started.

Trying for a baby:
Please read my baby adventures post for more info on my first 5 months of trying story (scroll down past the intro to the Title.) There is information on how to track when you ovulate too. Once you have read that post and want to know more on Ovulation Kits go to baby adventures #2 for full details.

After 5 months of no luck with conceiving without help, we decided that using Ovulation Kits to help figure out when I may possibly Ovulate. Turns out I Ovulated almost exactly half way through each month as my period had become more regular between 28-29 days and we now knew when to try hardest in the month. 

Being the mean girlfriend I am but helping both of us conceive, I would make my boyfriend hold in his sperm so the numbers would be at it's highest when it was time to be sexually active. For three to five days straight over ovulation time, we would be sexually active, and  for every other day of the month, we would be active every two to three days to keep our chances high.

Not conceiving as quick as we wanted, it became stressful and I began to resent myself for being a "failure" and "not a proper woman." At the age of 19, I was told I was at the prime age to become pregnant, and I did want to be a mother before the age of 21. The stress of having mother nature's gift of a period every month was becoming unbearable, until the most unbearable thing happened - my Nana was diagnosed with terminal cancer. 

I couldn't concentrate and be stress free whilst trying for a baby whilst my Nana was ill. Nana knew I was trying for a baby before she passed away only three months later. Times were even harder and my depression came back; I couldn't conceive and I just lost one of the most important people in my life. 

Tormentingly, a month later my sister found out she was pregnant; I was happy of course, but the fact that she accidentally got pregnant whilst I was trying, really slapped me across the face. I felt even more like a failure. Even through all this stress, for ten months straight, me and my boyfriend were still trying and timing our sexual activeness to the dot. 

Everyday was a torment knowing my sister was pregnant, but only six weeks later, I found out I had actually become pregnant myself. What I strongly believe, even with all of my timing and trying, is that my Nana helped me (in the afterlife) to conceive; she knew before she died, without me even telling her, that I was trying for a baby, and only two months after her passing I conceived. I don't believe in coincidences. 

So that, my lovelies, is my Counteraction with Conception and my Complicated Contraception story!

If you would like to know about:
 the days when both me and my sister found out we are pregnant, here is a post.
my struggle with depression during my pregnancy, here is a post.
❀ For my pregnancy Diary's click here for the short cut 

 Comments are welcome! 

Much love,
ps// please do NOT take any of my experience as medical advice and do what I have done. Please get professional help if it is needed.

Pregnancy Panic

Sitting on my soft white duvet, whilst wearing my new fox-y slippers as I write in my pregnancy diary, I noticed that my belly had become slightly more swollen. In two days I will be 16 weeks pregnant and I still hadn't even started "showing," though, you could see what looked like a bump but you could pass it off as a bad bloat. However, looking into the mirror, I saw that my belly had finally 'popped' as women put it. 


It has been a long time coming, and at almost 4 months pregnant, I thought I would just be one of those women that you can't tell is pregnant until the last month... or when they have popped out the baby. 

When things like this happen, I just wish that Alexander was here, but he has to work. He missed the baby kicking for the first proper time the other night even though he was lay next to me - sleeping loudly. Alexander doesn't wake up, however, if you do manage to wake him up he will be groggy and not remember anything in the morning, so what's the point? Next time, I hope he is awake when the baby kicks, likewise, it seems I like being a little selfish and feeling all the baby's firsts to myself.

Right now, I do not feel prepared, especially as Christmas is approaching fast; there is still so much to do and buy. In 39 days Christmas will be here and I haven't brought one gift for anyone yet, and thinking about how fast my pregnancy is going, I feel like the baby will be here before I get everything I need and set up! 

People can say: "oh you're only 16 weeks pregnant, you've got plenty of time until the 4th May." What happens if the baby comes early? When do I plan a baby shower for? What should I put on the gift list? Where am I going to be living? Will I still be with my parents when the baby is born? How is Alexander going to live in my parent's with me if there will be 9 people living there? 


I'm not sure whether I am just going stir crazy because of how close Christmas is and then how fast the pregnancy is going, or whether my hormones are all over the place and I am making something out of nothing. I have heard women say that when they are pregnant that they feel they are not ready to be Mum's yet, and I also feel that way. Yes, I tried for this baby and I am forever grateful, but I do have those times where I want to pause time, take a deep breath, and get organised. What I mean is, I am ready to be a parent but I am not ready to give birth any time soon. Nine months goes faster than I originally thought

Whilst I am cooking up this bun, Alexander works as many hours as he can (not bonfire season crazy) to help save money for our own place and money for baby supplies. I do miss him a lot as he doesn't live with me, but rather stays with his friend most days; we need our own place again quick so that I know I am organised enough to get the baby's room sorted. 

Life isn't as planned as I thought it would be at the age of 20. 
Things can dramatically change in such a short amount of time; you don't expect it, you just get slapped in the face with it. 

Thinking about change, you may have noticed that I went from posting a blog post three times a week, to now, lucky to even post one. Why? Because I am struggling to digest all the happenings in my life right now and putting it all down in words is proving difficult. I have received emails from a few women telling me they are fans of my blog and want to contribute by being a Friday Guest Blogger. Let me just be honest, I am not taking Guest Bloggers for a while, the reason being, my blog isn't up to scratch and I feel that Guest Blogger's work won't be appreciated as much during my drought time.

It isn't fair to accept posts when my views aren't the typical amount. Who will see and appreciate their posts? This may be selfish but I do want to keep to my own posts so I can build my [loyal] audience back up; returning visitors are my priority as I want them to come back wanting more. Eventually, I will be taking on Guest Bloggers but they have to tie in with my life right now - relative work - so my blog flows and there are not random Guest Posts here and there that have nothing to do with my blog theme.

Sorry to disappoint anyone who has asked or want to ask to Guest Blog right now, but if you leave me an email, I will put you on the list (the posts you want to write need to relate) as I am going to start accepting Guest Posts again in, hopefully, the near future.

Much love,

Depression during Pregnancy

My story
For the past three years I have coped with the depression myself and I learnt how to control my feelings; I learnt to say No and Yes to things I did and didn't want to do; I was honest and open-minded; I found out what I liked and didn't like; I found the most amazing boyfriend who understands what I am going through, as well as helping me cope - emotional support. 

Pregnancy Diary | October

1st October
Oh I was doing so well with coping with the nausea but today I figured out, officially, that Dairy food cause me to vomit - great. I loved milk, eggs and cheese before I got pregnant, kind of makes me sad that the baby is rejecting them! The way I figured this out was that I had a glass of milk and a couple fried eggs for breakfast, and not long after, I threw it all back up.

On the 5th I have my second appointment with the midwife so now I have to ask for Calcium alternatives seen as I can't just typically drink milk anymore *frowns.* That may mean I have to take calcium tablets, though I already take Folic Acid so it won't be any trouble taking them. Later this evening, a friend suggested eating Ginger Biscuits to help with my nausea, and honestly, whoever invented Ginger Biscuits, I OWE YOU MY LIFE. I never thought that the simple Ginger Spice could help like medication.

However, being me, I don't take medications unless it's paracetamol for headaches and migraines, and anti-biotics for infections. Seriously, have you ever thought that just having any old medication for everything is actually causing you all to become more ill? Can you tell me that medications out there don't cause cancer and diseases, or even just simple illnesses? You don't actually know what chemicals you are putting into your system and just because the Doctor prescribes them, doesn't make them good for you. But hey, that just what me and Alexander think about medications; if there are natural remedies, then we will choose them instead. 

2nd October
Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant and the baby is approx. 2-3cm - Grape size! 
This evening is my friend's 21st Birthday Do, which I have been looking forward to for quite a while; being sat inside only working weekends was just depressing and lonesome. Sadly, Alexander could only make the last hour and a half because he couldn't get off work early - annoying. He was texting me how sorry he was and that he will make it up to me, but I got over it quickly and had fun without him for a while. 

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Alexander especially at parties and outings, but if he couldn't make it until later, then that's fine with me. He works hard for me and the baby, he makes sure we have a roof over our head and food on the table, and I told him I understand him working such long hours; I see him for about 2 hours a night! Alex is daft for thinking that I hate him; I love him so much and appreciate everything he is doing for our little growing family, even if it is hard to cope without him most of the time.

At the party, Alexander went all out and got absolutely plastered - I don't blame him. He was that drunk he was willing to go up on stage and sing (singing is what he denies he can do, but him and his brother are actually good singers.) Sadly, the DJ was an arse and wouldn't let him. OH WELL.

10th October
Guess what?! I have began to show! Though, it only really shows at night, which is common, it is still cute. In the morning, I look bloated, but later in the evening my belly looks like this:
I can't get over how early I am starting to show. My belly button is pushed out slightly more, and it fascinates me, so yes, I do prod it as it's squishy haha! 

15th October
A lot has changed in just a short amount of weeks; I don't even know where to start. I think starting from where I moved out of Alexander's to my parent's house. To be honest, I am only back here because Alex was worrying so much about me being alone so much and could tell my depression was progressing again - he was right. Now that I am back at my parent's, it is so much harder, as Alex works every hour God sends, which means a little text here and there, and maybe a phone call if it's not a daft hour when he's finished.

Without hurting his feelings, I have explained that I have become overly used to being away from him, which I had dreaded from the start of him working, now I just hope that when bonfire season has ended that we can then bond again. Crying is the only solution to release my anxieties and sadness of him being away & my worrying of the near future.

The fact that when he does visit and he falls asleep less than half an hour into being here, hurts like hell. Yeah I know he's tired, but I am allowed to be a little selfish and want to spend some quality time with him. Life is very hard at the moment.

24th October
What I never realised about being pregnant was how fast the baby actually grows. My belly seems to be bigger during the evening than in the morning, but even my Mum noticed the growth. Not much happened today except me and the sister went to watch Hotel Transylvania 2 haha! Plus, I just wanted to show off the bump.

Oh, ever since I had found out i'm pregnant, I have suffered with cold-like symptoms (runny nose, sneezing, and headaches) which I wake up too every single morning. So far I haven't found anything to get rid and I have had my flu shot. Paracetamol is the only thing that gets rid of the headache for the day, but the sneezing and runny nose seems to stick.

Any advice on getting rid of a cold???

30th October
Around 7cm! 
This was one of the most magical things to ever happened to me.
One thing I know for sure is that I have one stubborn baby; definitely takes after it's Daddy. When I turned up at the hospital, I really didn't have to wait too long before me and Alexander were called into the Ultrasound room; hospitals are the worst for making you wait. If you have ultrasounds before you will know how horrible it is holding in an hour's worth of water in your bladder and then having the ultrasound camera pressed on your stomach.

At first, the baby was in a standing up but bending forward position which was no help at all for measurements so I had to go and empty my bladder to try and make the baby move - no luck. Lying on my right, the nurse was prodding my belly to make the baby change positions, slowly it did, but not enough so I had to lie on my left. Eventually the baby moved. Into what position? Take a look at the Ultrasound picture. 

Talk about a lazy baby! I don't know if you can tell, but the baby has one arm behind the head, one arm on the forehead, and [you can't see] both legs crossed. Okay, the laziness is from me haha! During the whole of this ultrasound, Alexander was intrigued and looking at the screen in amazement whilst holding my hand. It was adorable. My Mum was allowed to come in once all the measurements were taken.

Everything looked perfect and the baby is now growing as it should be after the scare and early ultrasound. When I mentioned the hospital wait not being long before my scan, I now regretting even saying it, as I had to wait over an hour to see the midwife to talk about my results. The baby is fine, but my blood pressure was low which was causing my dizziness; apparently I need to just drink more fluids. My iron level was better than the midwife expected for my BMI  which is great news! 

Because I suffer from mild scoliosis, I do have to visit the consultant and then have an anaesthetic appointment as a "practice epidural" so the Doctor can figure out where the needle needs to be placed into my spine IF I need a caesarean when it comes to labour-time. Though I hate hospitals, i'd rather have the practice run so there are no complications if the time came to have the needle. Here's to hoping I can have a natural labour!  

Baby 13+2 weeks
Due 4th May 2016  

31st October
What's Halloween if you can't dress up and shove a bit of face paint on you?
At first I wasn't really feeling the whole Halloween vibe, but about an hour before the pub party was about to start, I thought: "Fuck it, it's Halloween." What I hadn't forgot, was how boring it can be when you can't drink when everyone around you is tipsy/drunk and having a laugh. I was already exhausted from being up all day and the pregnancy causes me to be more tired than usual.

I wore a normal dress because it was last minute, but my face paint is half zombie and half mexican day of the dead. Also, I thought it would be fun to make my neck and chest into a skeleton, yano, because I could. I don't think you can see it in the picture. Hayley made little effort and to be honest, her face paint didn't go to plan - it's eyeliner, too.

Alexander text me that he was finishing a little early and decided to join me. Turning up in his sweats, he changed his mind about staying in work gear and wanted to dress up as the Joker just like he did last year; he joined in, that's all that matters. Around 11:30pm, I got bored and wanted to go home, Alex didn't mind joining me; he fell asleep after washing off his face paint anyway.

Guess who watched a Horror by herself in bed. ME. 


Month Summary:
So, October was quite eventful. From being quite newly pregnant with all kinds of nausea, to being 13+3 weeks pregnant with a healthy 7cm sized baby growing so lazily. A lot can change in such a short amount of time and I have come to realise that not everything goes to plan. Not everything is a fairytale with happy days, which does make good material to blog about! Here's to more months of excitement, drama, and a healthy baby growing! 

Much love,
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