Blogmas #5

Do you ever feel so lost that you have no one or nothing to turn to except that dark spot in your room?

When you're pregnant you expect so much but see so little; your boyfriend now lives with a friend; you are back home living with your four siblings, one of which is pregnant too, and two parents; your boyfriend works but you don't see the money going anywhere useful; you dream of having your own little house waking up every morning to your boyfriend and your new baby.

Yeah, this is why i keep my expectations low. I am constantly disappointed. I don't know if it's because i think one thing will happen and then it turns into something else, or if i am just being stupid and these pregnancy hormones are going crazy.

When you are on a low you want to turn to your loved one to talk about how you're feeling and what the plans are for the future, but what happens when your loved one doesn't want to talk about it and would rather make up an excuse to get out of this topic.

What happens when you cry yourself to sleep so much that you just wish things were different? You wish your boyfriend was more understanding; that you can sit him down and tell him straight about how you feel and what you want to happen; plan where your life is heading and how you want to bring up your child.

I will never regret my baby, this baby means the world to me and with all the trying and disappointments, this baby is the best thing i could ever wish for.


After a night of feeling so shit the other day (what I wrote about above) Alexander and I decided to sit down and talk about everything. We just needed to clarify what is happening and being brutally honest was the best option for us; yes there were tears, but there was also strength.

Our relationship isn't all plain sailing, and you don't see our relationship all over my blog because we do like to keep things to ourselves. This post was just a vent and because it is blogmas, i thought i might mix it up and give you an insight to how I have actually felt.

Here's me in the wide open.

Much love,

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