Sleepless Nights

Being used to having insomnia and being a night owl, I have no problem with staying up all night as long as I have free day to catch up on my sleep. However, when I am awake and see Alex agitated, tossing and turning whilst attempting to sleep, but also grunting and moaning because he is either too hot or can't get comfortable, I feel helpless as there isn't much I can do. The only thing I could do is suggest he lie on a duvet or get in a hot shower.

It is around 5am now and neither of us have been to sleep - hopefully Alex gets some sleep before he has work late afternoon. I, for one, is going to be knackered seen as I am visiting a friend and her gorgeous baba in the afternoon, but as usual, I have no luck sleeping.

Now I am used to being awake all night, I find myself doing useful things. Currently, I am looking at College and University courses to help me get the career I want, but I am finding courses that are not around Manchester. Sadly, I would have to move or stay at the campus wherever I need to be - away from home and away from Alex.

I threw my chance of going to College for free and doing a pre-degree because of my last partner; I felt guilt tripped into not studying and to go straight into work that wouldn't benefit my career goal in the slightest. Maybe I should just find a job in the area I want as a Career and work my way up. Damn, I would have to start wayyy at the bottom picking up after everyone and making teas and coffees. Ugh. 

If any employers are reading this: I didn't mean what I just said. I love picking up after people and slaving about making cups of teas and coffees. ;)

Questions are swimming through my mind right now. Bare with me, let me just jot them down. Most of them are rhetorical. (Spelt that right first time round for the first time in my life. *Pats myself on the back*)

Should I move away from family and my boyfriend for the sake of studying and gain a Degree towards my Career?

Can the relationship cope with me being away most of the time?

Am I shooting a bullet below the waste?

What if I do the course but can't find a job after? Hmm.. well i'd be qualified enough.

Would I have to break up with Alex for the sake of concentrating on my Career? No, I wouldn't... would I?

Will it cost too much?

Would I take out a loan?

Can I cope knowing I will be in debt £9,000? If it's a University course.

Would College make me pay to study? Well, I will be twenty when the study year starts. Damn it.

Should I do the course?

So much to think about, so much to discuss. O dear. Can I do this? Of course I can do it, so the real question is.... should I do this?

Much love,

Has change got the better of me?

Sat up with a bru and a laptop reading past posts of famous Bloggers, whilst listening to Alex snore away during his deep dreaming sleep, I keep thinking: "what the hell am I doing?"

It is 01:27am to be precise and all I seem to be doing is over thinking. Has my insomnia kicked in again? Is my depression starting all over again? Has this crazy amount of change in my life ruined my sleeping routine? Why is this happening to me? Why me?

Life was going great. I had a new beginning where I had gotten rid of my ex-fiancé, moved back to my home town, got myself a job, and found an amazing man that I love. So what has caused all of my stress and long sleepless nights? 

During the past three months there has been a lot of dramatic change but I thought I could handle it seen as it's not my first time this has happened to me. Before I moved in with my ex-fiancé I was fine and had a healthy life but when I moved in with him everything changed. I couldn't sleep at night, I wasn't eating well and I was working over time to pay bills - stress. 

Doing it twice over wasn't on my mind. Thinking I could handle change was certainly on my mind. To be quite honest I am not handling this change well now, it has finally kicked in and I am not coping well. The first few nights I lived back at my parent's house I woke up with tears soaking my cheeks - I had been crying in my sleep. I couldn't remember why. 

When I was around seventeen my Mum used to tell me I used to cry in my sleep and she was worried about me, but I was oblivious, I woke up feeling fresh as a daisy without a care in the world, so why would I have cried in my sleep? I wasn't happy apparently.

I did wonder if it was because I had recently broke up with my long-term boyfriend, but that guy was a waste of space, unless I just missed the company of a guy?

Truthfully, I do think I jump from one relationship to another quickly but I can't help it. I am so used to being 'someone's' if you get me? When I was only sixteen I was in a long-term relationship which lasted a year and two months-ish, six months later I got into a relationship with my now ex-fiancé which lasted a year and eight months-ish, but only a month later I had gotten into a relationship with my now boyfriend. 

Many people, adults to be exact, tell me I am young and to have 'fun,' but to me, fun is being someone's. Don't get me wrong I do love going on night's out with my friends and doing teenager-stuff but I feel old for my age. Moving out of my parent's house and having huge responsibilities ruined.. well not ruined that's a bit of a strong word.. let's say it overruled my teenage years.

Whilst I was working, paying bills, engaged and taking responsibility of a pet, a lot of my friends were out partying and having fun. Had I chosen the right thing? Was I too young to take on such a responsibility? Some days I do wish I could take it all back and be the teenager I should have been, you're only young once and I have blown it.

I took too much on myself. Though I had help from my ex-partner, it was still a huge struggle. Now I am with my now boyfriend, I have decided not to take the same path. I will have fun in my last five months of my teenage years, plus more fun in my twenties. I have vowed to myself that I will only move into a house with a partner after a few years of being together to prove to myself that I can be mature and take on my own responsibilities rather than depending on someone else to do it for me.

Engagement is off limits for a good five to ten years, well, because I want to see how the relationship blossoms with no rushing into things of any kind. I am young, I want to live life as a young adult for a change rather than acting too adult for my age. Being mature isn't hard but trying to be over-mature is hard work and really stressful, so for now, I will live with my parents, keep working and saving up, but also visit my boyfriend and spend quality time with him.

Alex is trying his best to keep me happy, he knows what I have been through and how much stress I have. but he is standing by me whatever path I take. Right now I am having problems with my health and he sees me everyday in pain and he feels helpless, which makes me feel guilt - he shouldn't have to put up with this. I am not talking excruciating pain but every so often my stomach on one side will tighten, cramp and send shooting pains either to my left or downwards. Currently been investigated by a Doctor to see why this is happening. 

Damn body has never been healthy. This also adds stress on top of what I am currently going through. All this change and medical crap is stressing me out, so maybe this is the cause to my insomnia? Is this causing some depression too? Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy with where I am at with my life right now, but the change has caught up with my emotions. Emotionally unstable, maybe?

God knows - I don't. 


Alex is still snoring away and I am still wide awake. Today I might be working so I need my sleep but the harder I try, the worse off I am. My mind goes into overdrive, why do I keep over-thinking? 

Stupid insomnia. Sick to death of it. I have had it for a couple weeks now but it all started when I had the flu for two weeks and waking up coughing every hour in the night. Cannot blame the flu, cannot blame the flu. Okay, I blame the flu.

I was just thinking... Christmas is only a week and five days away and I am not even excited. Yes I know, I am nineteen and I am too old to get excited for Christmas, but seriously, I used to love Christmas time and playing Christmas songs way to early than I should. Spending time at the German Markets was my favourite, but this year I am not even arsed about doing Christmas things.

Whilst my family were together putting up the Christmas Tree and decorations I just watched. I didn't feel like doing it at all. Am I a Scrooge? Ba-Humbug! The only Christmassy thing I have done this year is buy Alex a few presents which I know he will love, but still no excitement! 

What's wrong with me? Will my excitement come on Christmas Eve when me and my twin 'traditionally' watch A Muppet's Christmas Carol? (We have watched this every year on Xmas Eve for as long as I can remember.) I hope the Christmas Spirit slaps me in the face. Hard. What's Christmas without the Christmas cheer? A snowy waste of time? 

It doesn't even snow in England. Ugh, it sucks! We just get sleet and ice... though I do find it funny when I see people slip and fall on their arse. I am so mean. 

Enough of the Christmas talk.. see, Scrooge! *rolls eyes*

I really should say what I am thankful for though I am still in my stressed mode. Seriously though, all I have done in this post is moan about my life but I have so many goals in life that I want to achieve, also what I want my family members to achieve too.

I want to achieve / have in my life :
  • 100% health - start taking vitamins also to give me a boost.
  • Get myself a career in Advertising, such as Copywriting or Design.
  • To get my blog noticed and gain a career in this also. Not for the fame and fortune, but to not be a 'nobody' anymore.
  • To one day get engaged and have my dream wedding in Athens.
  • Have a family of my own - two kids (boy and girl,) a husband, and a cute dog.
  • To live in a beautiful house with both front and back gardens over looking a lake and mountains. Possibly not in England.
  • For my family to live long healthy lives.
  • Make sure my twin sister is happy in her life and make sure she accomplishes her goals - to stand by her in her decisions even if I am not happy with some of them.
  • To make sure and help my younger sister and brother accomplish their life goals: a great job, their own place, to grow up strong and healthy, and to raise a family of their own.
  • To always have my families backs.
  • To have my partners back, to support him and help him stay happy.
  • To go back to college and study Journalism, or to get an apprenticeship in Advertising (Copywriting or Design.)
And most importantly
  • Make my family proud

See, I am not all bad mood and low in my life, I do have goals and I will achieve them with hard work. 

I should try and sleep. Hopefully got a busy day ahead of me.

Much love,

Are men threatened by women?

Naturally we all flirt, but when does flirting become too much? You have the odd creepy guy that squeezes your ass or tries to give you a cheeky kiss, but there are other people who won't leave you alone even if you tell them you are taken or not interested.

This hasn't happened to me, it is just a thought. 

Why do some people not understand the word no? Is it really that difficult to stay away from someone who isn't interested? When did society turn into a freak-fest?

Working at a bar in the past, I came to realise that there are far too many disrespectful, creepy, and damn right rude men out there. Everyday was a struggle to not get harassed or abused. It wasn't just verbal abuse - men tried to feel me up or lift up my skirt.

Just because I was dressed in an Oktoberfest dress does not give them the right to think I will accept or deserve that type of abuse. One man even tried pouring beer onto my cleavage like it was Spring Break and I was wearing a white see-through top with no bra on. It is not on. No woman should think they are objects to the opposite sex.

When did women become objects to men?

Didn't men used to respect the women and treat them like Queens? Are men pansies and feel threatened by women that they have to give off a little evil and try and show who's boss by making the woman feel small? Are men that threatened by women?

When did it become right?

So many questions. So little answers.

Let me just get one thing straight before I get any hate comments and abuse. I do NOT hate men, not ALL men relate to this post, not ALL men are creepy freaks who feel threatened by women. Just getting that bit straight if any of you men reading this feel any kind of offence. If the boot fits however, you know you are one of these men I hate. To which, I don't care.

Me, well I think that men began feeling like this when women stood their ground during the Suffragette movement. Women across the UK deserve equal rights. You can say I am slightly feminist, I won't find any reason to slag off men - I don't hate men. I just want equal rights in EVERYTHING. 

Sexist comments are the worst. I absolutely hate them and I will kick off if anyone is sexist towards me - it infuriates me! Some lads I know will give off the odd sexist comment, but whether they are joking or not, it shows that they do in fact think little of women. Why would you even say the comment in the first place knowing full well that women, including me, hate it? 

I remember writing a post about HobbyLobby with a little women's rights involved and I still stand by it now. To be fair, I did come across strong in this post but I still stand by it - I do not hate ALL men, just the odd 'twat.' Here's the post if you are interested: HobbyLobby&Women'sRights

For now, we women are actually doing quite well with women's equality, but it still isn't good enough. However, looking at other countries, I do feel sorry for the women - they are belittled, they are 'ruled' by men, men pretty much tell women what they should and shouldn't do, but also tell them what they should and shouldn't wear.

If any man started telling me what I should and shouldn't do or wear, I wouldn't stand for it. To be honest, it is embarrassing that SOME men still act like this towards women - women can make up their own mind, women are the ones who help bring men into the world. Seriously, without a woman you wouldn't have been born. See it takes TWO to make the world go round. 

Without women, men can't have kids. Without men, women can't have kids. Equal.

I could waffle on for ages talking about Equal rights but I would just like to know your opinion on this subject.

What are your thoughts?

Much love,

Catching up on life

Since it has been such a long time since I gave you a life update, I will happily tell you everything that has happened.

Warning: lots of 'selfies' and other photos.

As you well know, I have had too many days full of drama since I have broken up with my ex-fiancé, however, you don't know the half of it. I mean c'mon, who's breakups are easy as pie and has no drama after it? More about this later, here is the good and different news.

Before I went on holiday but after I broke up with my ex I decided that I was extremely sick of my short hair seen as I have had it short and shaved on one side for nearly three years now, so after I got my first few wages, I saved up and got myself some micro hair extensions. It was so worth the money - check out the difference below.

Such a change right? I loved my long hair, but it was such an effort to look after it seen as washing and blowing drying it took forever. I do recommend Emma to do your hair extensions, her website is printed on the photos above.

Some time later:

Caught up with my baby girl, Loren! Remember her? It's been such a long time since I last saw her and since you saw anything about her. Don't ask me why I haven't seen her but it is just the way our friendship is - we won't see each other for a long time or even talk much, but when we are together it's like we haven't had any time apart. I love her!

Since I moved back to Radcliffe and back in my parent's house, I have finally realised how much I have missed on, and how much I have missed my family - especially Hayley. We used to be inseparable, but then I moved in with my ex and didn't see her at all. I blame him - he said that he doesn't want her round to visit because he doesn't like her. What kind of person keeps you away from your own family?!

I missed my sister more than anyone (who isn't a twin) would be able to know. There is that bond that twins have that is so so so much stronger than normal sisters - we've been together since we were dots, literally.

Now that me and Hayley are joint at the hip again, we spend so much more time doing things as twins. Hayley moved out before I moved back in with my parents, but after a couple of months she moved back in. Damn sharing a room, but at least I have my sister back for myself.

Hayley works at the local pub.... a few houses down from my house.. how convenience right? *wink* so I spend most of my Friday and Saturdays there. Here are some photos from the pub.


With one of the locals.

I did tell you we were inseparable
I love all the photos of us above, I even got them professionally printed.


Remember in my last post when I said that I was keeping 'the new guy' a secret for a while?
Here he is.

Meet Alex.


More kisses.

So there you go, pictures from the pub with a local, my twin and you have just met Alex.... that's not all of my news, there is plenty more to catch up on!

  I got my nose pierced.
So did Hayley.

Do you ever have that feeling of being super spontaneous and you just end up at a tattoo or a piercing shop? I did, and because I dragged Hayley along with me, she got a piercing too. So now, both me and Hayley have exactly the same piercings - nose and lip. Sadly, Hayley got her nose piercing on the other side of her nose to me.

Talking about spontaneous, after getting my nose pierced, I decided that I also wanted to get a tattoo, but not just a tattoo, a sexy one. What's the point in not getting a sexy tattoo when you know it will make you look better?

When I was with my ex I couldn't afford anything of my own, I watched my ex do things he wanted but I stayed at home, poor. Now I work, I live at home, and I save up, I spent my hard earned wages on a huge thigh tattoo. Hayley got hers and I was so envious that I decided to get mine done. Best Decision Ever.

"Alex do you want to come watch me have my tattoo done?"

"Yeah sure."

"Babe, i'm over here..." 


Finished outcome.

I absolutely, completely, utterly, love my tattoo! This has to be one of the most sexiest tattoos ever. A garter, dagger and a rose on the thigh. Hands down the best decision I ever made!

I even got myself some winter socks, but made sure they match my tattoo - I have to be colour co-ordinated, I think I have an OCD problem... fuck it. Honestly, looking at this tattoo, i'd have sex with me. I know I know, how self-absorbed of me, but I am just telling the truth, i'd rip my own clothes off. Okay, i'll stop.


I got sick of trying to keep my extensions in tacked with my natural hair, sick of spending forever washing, blow drying, and straightening / curling my hair, so I decided to take the extensions out. To me, I think I look different, like a lot different. With my long hair I looked younger and more Barbie which I did like, but it felt so heavy and gave me head aches most of the time, now I have my short hair back I feel so much more lighter, more professional and older, but my face shape and bone structure fits more with shorter hair.

It has grown a little, but it is not passed that awkward hair stage where you constantly have flicks from your hair on your shoulders all day. Sigh.


On the bright side of this whole drama with my ex, I made acquaintance with his now ex. Yeah she finally realised how much of a dick he is and dumped the bastard - good on her for realising what he is really like before things got serious. It was too late for me, so I am happy for her: she's a smart girl.

We started messaging each other and telling each other what we thought of this whole thing and telling each other we were sorry for what we said to and about one another, but there is still a lot of drama going on.

Alex's ex, a complete whack job, added my ex on Facebook to try and make us both jealous, but in a matter of fact, it has done the complete opposite thing his ex wanted - both me and Alex find it hilarious how pathetic she is. Plus, she has forgotten I blocked my ex and she has blocked me so whatever she does and says to him as a Status on Facebook, I can't see. I only found out about all this because a friend from work showed me.

However, it is extremely awkward to walk past Alex's ex at work (yep, she works at the same place) and it is only awkward because I have a huge urge to slap her. She has said some things to me, that you will never know, that caused my blood to boil. She needs a right good punch. What I will tell you though is that her and my ex have both planned to have sexual intercourse with each other as an act to make us jealous, but what my ex doesn't know is that she uses men to get pregnant. To hell I will tell him this, he deserves everything he gets and if she does fall pregnant.... HA-fucking-HA! Not my problem.

Side tracking now.

Now I have Alex in my life, I spend most of my time with him but I also make time for my family because they are most important in life. I love my family, and because I spent most of a year away from them, it's great to have them back.

I guess I came back as a different person, I mean, I am still me of course but I am more mature and feel much older than I actually am. Before I moved out of my parents at 17, I was immature and constantly argued with both my parents and my siblings, now I am back I have realised I was being stupid saying I hate them and blocking them out of my life. I don't argue with my siblings anymore and I feel so much closer to them - I hope they feel the same.

Kids are kids after all, but now I am 19, I appreciate who and what I have in my life. I am lucky. Extremely lucky. Everyone around me didn't give up on me and our bond has gotten stronger. Forgive and forget.

Alex is now very important to me, I can talk to him about everything and anything. I think his age has something to do with it. Yeah, he's thirty-one, but he knows how to treat a woman right - he is a true gentlemen and he knows how much family means to everyone. He will never keep me away from everyone in my life and thank god he isn't the jealous type. I keep in contact with my male friends, and he doesn't mind if I go and see them. Alex has made me realise how much time in my life I have wasted with my ex - I wish I never stayed with my ex every time I broke up with him. Chance after chance and he never changed. So glad he's out of my life and Alex is in it.

Ugh, Lauren stop getting soppy.

I do apologise.

Much love,

Lauren Nicole O'Hara


Late Halloween

Happy delayed Halloween! 

How was your day? What did you lot do? What did you dress up as? If you didn't dress up, why were you such a drag and not join in with the spirit of Halloween?

My Halloween was so much fun! I did plan on getting drunk but I couldn't.. well I could, but seriously, I couldn't. I had to play 'mother.' You'll find out why later.

What did I dress up as?
A sexy Vampire, of course.

Not the kind of sexy that is just a mini dress and slutty heels with a LOT of cleavage out, mine was more of the mysterious sexy where I had a long cloak, short dress but not much cleavage showing - sexy high heels were in order too.

Warning: Quality of photos are crap. Please excuse any blurrs, smudges or Barbie-like outcomes.

Halloween Contact Lenses. 
All black.

My Step-Dad said I look like a Hamster.
He couldn't even look into my eyes because he hates anything to do with eyes.

Alex dressed up as the Joker from Batman Dark Knight Rises.

It was hysterical, I couldn't stop laughing when I saw him.
He had a nurses outfit on too. 

How would you react if you walked into your room and saw your boyfriend stood there in a dress?

Well this picture is kind of blurry - stupid person holding the camera phone.

Hayley dressed up as a dead Alice in Wonderland.
She did have face paint on which took me forever to do and it was sick, but her face started to get itchy because she is allergic to the face paint.
Damn it.

You know, because everyone has to kiss Freddie once in their lives.

Twinnies all ready to party! 

Apart from the fact that Hayley was doing Stoptober so she couldn't drink all month, including Halloween. 

She even went home at midnight when she should have had her first celebration drink for conquering her Charity quest. Dayum girl.

My friend from work joined us for a few hours.

'I'll only have one drink.'

A few pints and a few diet cokes later he went home.

Typical bloke! 

Me and Alex.

You can finally see our full outfits except our shoes.

Of course I had to cut the dress shorter so everyone could see my tattoo.
You know, because I am kind of a little slutty, but who isn't?!

I got the tattoo, I can flaunt it if I want to.

Girls, if you got it, flaunt it.
Not too much though, you don't want things slipping and popping out.
Now that is unattractive.

Halloween was actually a top night, sad thing was that I had to play mother towards the end because, well, Alex knocked his drinks back and got a little too drunk. I am not complaining, I am glad he had a good night and I did want him to let his hair down and get drunk - his wig ended up coming off, so yeah, his hair literally was down. Pun intended.

How did I play mother?

Well because Alex knocked so many drinks back, his bladder kept almost bursting so he kept nipping to the loo. When I say 'nipping' I mean sleeping in a cubicle for twenty minutes at a time. My friend from work had to keep going to get Alex from the toilets but he always kept sneaking back and sleeping.

This happened three times, so in the end I walked to the men's toilets and got Alex myself. I couldn't keep him in the pub at this state so I dragged him to mine and put him to bed. My Mum heard us come in and wondered why we were back so early, she saw me put Alex to bed and I told her he was passed drunk and was falling asleep in the toilets. 

Alex was trying to tell her that he wasn't drunk, that he is thirty-one and doesn't need a nineteen year old to put him to bed. But he was saying this half naked, lying in bed, and giggling to himself. Yeah, erm babe, you were too drunk to even remember all this and it was that funny I had to put it on my blog. Don't get mad. Haha! I Love You. *Wink*

Once Alex was all snug in bed and I knew he was safe, being the typical girl I am, I headed back to the party to enjoy the rest of my night and try and get myself drunk. My friend from work kept me company and we just chatted and drank for a few hours before we both decided to head opposite ways. Thank god he had a few diet cokes and not much alcohol so he could get home. 

Hayley and I went home. She was sober, but she said I was drunk. I wasn't. I remember everything, plus I hardly drank.

My Halloween was top. How was yours?

Much love,

Lauren Nicole O'Hara


Who's this new someone?

Have you ever let yourself open up to a complete and utter new person in your life but you just know you can trust them to keep what troubles, feelings, thoughts and problems in your life secret?
I have.
It wasn't that long after coming back from Spain that I felt the need to fully open up to a friend from work.
Oh god, this is going to turn into one of those cringey-pass-me-the-bucket kind of posts. I do apologies in advance.
Let me start from the beginning.
There was this guy at work that kept looking at me in a cute kind of way, like he was shy but I knew he wanted to introduce himself to me yet something was stopping him. Was it me? Who is this guy? He's cute...
Not long starting at my new job I just saw this guy around and never really gave him a second thought, but when we locked eye contact I knew I wanted to get to know him. He was an older guy to what I would normally date but he looked around his late twenties so it wasn't too bad, age is just a number after all, unless there is more than 20 years between a man and woman - no judgement.
We never spoke to one another for days, maybe weeks even, but one random night whilst I was at the bus stop after 10pm, the cute guy took a detour to the same bus stop as me. He was 30 seconds into almost missing his bus, so me being me, I broke the ice and spoke to him for the first time just by simply saying: "good timing." Thank God one of us spoke.
After that, we started messaging each other, seeing each other more at work and making arrangements together to get to the bus stop. This happened before I went to Spain but AFTER I broke up with Daniel, just clarifying that for you. We even had our first kiss at the bus stop - how cute is that haha! Bless us.
I knew I liked this guy from the first moment I started talking to him - we have so much in common it's like he is the male version of me. Sad thing was at the time, was that he wasn't actually in his late twenties, he is in fact thirty-one. It didn't bother me, but it bothered my parents and I don't blame them, but the good thing is that he isn't old enough to be my dad, after all there is only twelve years difference between us.
Though thinking that I liked this guy, I knew I was still going on holiday with my ex-fiancé so thinking anything could happen between this new guy and me was crazy. I hadn't split up with my ex for long so dating again was way too soon. As you know, I went on holiday with my ex. (Go to Archives and go on the blog post before to see what happened.)
I did miss out on some drama that went on on holiday but I am going to keep that to myself because it involves the new guy, his ex, my ex and myself. In the end though, things went back to normal but both ex's are complete whack jobs!
I started dating the new guy. My parents weren't too thrilled about it and I was told to stay away. However, whoever knows me well will know that I always do the opposite of what I am told, and I always will. I kept on seeing him and it was the best decision I ever made - my parents ended up liking him and to this day they all get along. He even goes to the pub sometimes with my Step-Dad. At least this guy actually makes time to spend with my family unlike my nob head of an ex.
My little sister, Caitlin, loves him. And to my surprise, Hayley my twin,likes him too and everyone knows that if Hayley doesn't like someone, then it won't work between me and the new guy. Sooooo relieved she likes him!
As from then, me and the guy started going on proper dates, we even brought Hayley out with us so we could spend some time together and the guy could get to know my family more. The new guy has even met my Grandparents and my Dad and they all like him too!
Why do you keep calling him 'the guy?'
Well I want to keep his name and face private for a little while until I feel fully comfortable for the world to know who he is. I do have permission off him to show pictures and his name to you all though so don't be upset - good things come with time, my beauts.

Do you ever have that feeling that you have known a person for years when it is in fact only a month?

I have.

Once I got to know the guy a bit more and felt like I could trust him, so one night when I was feeling a little depressed and upset, I fully opened up to him because I needed someone to talk to about things my parents don't even know. It is good to have a good cry. I remember something he once said to me when I was upset and it will stick with me for a long long time: "tears are droplets of weakness leaving the body, they only make us stronger." Words of true wisdom right?

He always knows what to say and how to cheer me up.

He genuinely makes me seriously happy and he appreciates me. I don't believe any compliments from him though because, well, I never got any with my ex and was made to feel small so any compliment I hear now I just think is utter bullshit. Though this guy knows how to treat women with respect and is a true gentlemen so I am slowly starting to believe him.

For weeks I have spent a lot of time with the new guy; we travel to and from each other's places because he lives an hour away from me so it's good how he can stay here, and me, there. We both work at the same place so we see each other every so often there which is better than nothing, right?

I knew I would fall for this guy the moment we properly started talking and seeing each other.

I didn't want to... but I did. I don't regret anything.

I really like this guy.

I am so glad I met someone new.

Much love,

Lauren Nicole O'Hara


Palma Spain. Back track - travelogue

Oh how things change in such a short amount of time. Remember when I was soon-to-be living in a two bed house with my fiancé and puppy? Well all that has gone down the drain.
I broke up with my fiancé in September this year only a week and a bit before we were due to go on our little 'couple's holiday' to Palma, Majorca, Spain for eleven days, so things got a little awkward.
My ex-fiancé started dating not long after we broke up... well specifically, he liked this girl before I even broke up with him. Low life. I know what you all might be thinking: "jealous." Well as a matter of fact, I am so glad he had met this girl, but the timing was way off and it feels like I have been cheated on - I probably have knowing my ex.
The day came where I was all packed and ready to go to Spain and headed off to the Airport - yeah I still went; it's a free holiday after all. However, this time that me and Daniel were going on holiday, we absolutely could not stand each other and we were both planning different ways we could kill each other - obviously joking of course - but if it was legal......

Awkward doesn't even come close to how I felt when I first saw him strolling through the busy crowd at the Airport, I also felt so many different emotions. I loved him after all - well I thought I did. I wanted to punch the bastard.

It was soon time to get on the plane and things between us got a little less awkward and we both felt more relaxed. The plane lights were dimmed and Daniel was staring out the window all the way through the flight until he decided to grab my hand... erm. I didn't know what to do except hold his hand back.

He knew this but I had already started talking to a guy at work and wanted to see where things lead with him but when you're sat next to your ex and he's getting all soppy and cute, you wouldn't know how to feel. What I felt was that I liked it, but I also hated it. How dare he. After all he did and said, after dating that girl, after telling me he wished he never asked me to marry him.. I just fell apart.

Two hours and 15 minutes later I finally got to 'sunny Spain.' Such a drag. At this point, Daniel and I kind of made friends and we told each other that there is no point being in another country for eleven days and despising one another when we can at least enjoy these last few days together.

First night - boring. We just went to the local bar and drank, then headed back to the hotel.

Second night we were doing touristy things and looked at what was about and planning on what we could do and when. Pretty dull day again, but at least the weather was beautiful and there was a pool and bar at the hotel. Talk about thanking God.

I loved the hotel, the staff were unbelievably friendly and provided you with everything I wanted and needed. They were the ones that made me enjoy the holiday!

You know what, this is going to turn into a boring blog post so lets cut to the chase.

Every other day was the same, except on some days we went to the Zoo, Beach, and Aquarium. Don't get me wrong, the beach was gorgeous but I did get sun stroke haha. Oh I suffered that day - I caught a tan though! The Zoo was crap, and I mean utter crap and small and a waste of my time. Palma Aquarium was good and I loved watching the Dolphins.

Dolphin shows are so good, but the bad thing was that it didn't last that very long - so I watched the show twice. I had time to kill... my ex... I'm joking, but there was plenty of time to watch all the shows at least three times each.

Why did I want to kill my ex when we made friends again on the flight? Good question.

The bastard slagged me off to his new girlfriend and you wouldn't believe what he had called both myself and my parents - that's right, he slagged off my parents.

I don't even care about my ex's privacy and what he said. I screen shot everything he said to the girl and I can easily paste them on my blog. Comment below if you want to see what he had said.

I can't be dealing with children. Yeah I got my ex drunk to the point where he was throwing his guts up in the bathroom and passing out on the floor, just so I could nosy through his messages. NO I am not some stalker ex-fiancé, I was merely just looking at what they both said because I had a hunch that something was said about me. I have never looked through his phone before and this was my first ever time.

Yeah, I was right in the end. My hunch was correct.

Again, if you want to see what he said, please comment.

As from this point on I couldn't stand my ex, I absolutely hated him and this was only a few days into the holiday. Things just got bad to worse and Daniel got back to his old tricks of TELLING ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T DO.

It was both our holiday so I can do what I want. If I was sunbathing by the pool, Daniel would moan and get angry because I wouldn't get in the pool - I had just had my new extensions put in and didn't want to ruin them... I gave up though to keep him happy. Don't ask me why he won, I don't even know myself.

Everything had to be done his way, every day I had to do what he wanted to do. If I wanted to do something I had to ask him and see if he wanted to do the same thing. Yeah I enjoyed doing things together but once in a while I would have at least liked to do something myself and enjoy a little Me time.

After a week I just wanted to go home. I hated him. I hated Spain. I just wanted to get back home to my parents and siblings so that I could remove my ex from my life for good. He could then play happy families with MY PUPPY HE STOLE and spend time with his girl as well. The last four days of Spain was hell - there was a storm every night and it rained through the day.

I told you it got bad to worse.

Finally after eleven days of torture I was on my way home to England where I could finally be myself and enjoy work.

I also met someone.

Much Love.

Lauren Nicole O'Hara

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