Catch up. Latte - why are you so cute?

Whoop got my first kind-of-sponsor but not for my blog, but for Instagram. There is a small business that are setting up 'Team Voter' which I think it's to do with F1 and other race cars and I think it is German - they will be sending me shirts and other products to wear/take photos off where I just give them feedback of what I like and what needs to be improved, then post a picture of it on Instagram. 

They are also going to be making other things to send to me and I can then take a picture and put it on Instagram. I am not all about 'free stuff' as the none-bloggers say, but I am merely helping their business as well as helping myself. I think it is good that they reached out to me.

I am one happy girl!

What happened yesterday?

Of course, Daniel went to work and Latte was standing at the door barking, but as soon as you shout her name a couple times, she will run to the bedroom. The bad thing about that is, instead of her barking at the door, she will stand against the bed barking at me. 

Lose lose situation.

The reason she is barking at me is because she wants to get on the bed and bite my ears and eat my hair. Little shit. 

Thinking about the future, Daniel arranged to meet a woman (don't get excited) about going on a three year course to become a Commercial Plumber. She was here for over two hours explaining things and showing us DVDs of what will happen - she even loved having Latte jump on her and eat her bag. Okay she was only fine with Latte eating her bag because she has bought a new one and forgot to change her bags so Latte was just chewing on the old one.

The woman seemed really nice, what was funny though was that at the beginning of every sentence, she started high pitched. I couldn't help but giggle - I don't think Daniel noticed the way she was talking. Maybe it was just me because I do pick things out on people. It has it's perks, but when the person you talk about over hears you, you feel embarrassed for them haha!
I'm so mean.

I remember standing at the bus stop with my Mum and my twin a couple years back, and every person that walked by, we picked out what we didn't like about their outfit. Luckily, none of the people heard us.

The other scenario that I remember was when Mum, my twin and I were trying on clothes in a shop and we saw a girl wearing a full black outfit and bright pink shoes - it was a crash outfit, it was hurrendous. I couldn't help but say to my twin: "I am so glad Mum says what she likes and dislikes about our outfits before we go out. That girl is a disaster, look at those shoes, and why would she wear all black?" The girl overheard us and went running over to her Mum. It's not my fault it was a train wreck.

Oh the good old days.

Whenever I tell Daniel what I like and dislike about someone's outfit, he just says I am being a bitch and says: "what if someone was doing that to you." My response is always: "I wouldn't care," because I know I wouldn't go out looking like an absolute douche.

I am all for different and unique but some people don't even class as different, it is just purely what-the-fuck-was-you-thinking.

So what's happening today?

Well for one, I now have a kind-of-sponsor. 

Daniel is currently at work so I am looking online at houses/apartments to rent but there doesn't seem to be any around Manchester that seem nice or that allows pets. The only places that I found that were decent and allowed pets were in Wigan, Leigh and Bolton but all three of them places are just not convenient for both Daniel and me. 

I tried looking in my home town but there was only a skanky little studio flat which was way too small for us anyway, and a house that looked like a bomb had hit it. It was deceiving as the outside of the house looked nice and the kitchen was nice-ish but the rest of it was awful!

This whole looking for a house thing is getting pretty stressful. I just wish our Landlords weren't such arseholes so I would be able to stay in the flat. Well I can, but they want me to get rid of Latte - they think 'getting rid' would be so easy; how about you get rid of your kid or your pet with a click of the fingers. Too hard? SHAME. You want me to get rid of Latte easily which is impossible.

Impossible people.

I hope they rot in hell or their business goes bust. Either or.

Speaking of Latte, she has been really clingy lately and I am not sure why, nothing has changed. Maybe she got used to Daniel being around all weekend but now he is back at work, she is getting clingy.

Around 18:00pm, Daniel is due to come home. As soon as Daniel opens the main door to the flat, Latte stands at our door barking and getting excited for him to walk through the door. She knows who it is straight away because when other flat neighbours walks through the main door she only sits up - it's either strange or clever.

She has been getting really clever lately, I thought puppies were predictable but this little one is unpredictable and hilarious - you never know what she will do next. She is that hilarious, it's adorable.

+65/98///////////////////////////////// <- Latte stood on the laptop

Latte spam pictures!

"I is hungry, eat bra strap pwease?"

"What do you mean, No?"

"Don't talk to me, Mum."

No Mum. Go away!"

"I am being sewious, w
eave me awone. I wanted the strap."

"Don't twy and change my mind. What? I can eat the qwuilt instead?!"

"Okay deal!"


It is now 19:20pm and Daniel has gone to football. We went on a stroll as soon as Daniel got in for some milk, bread, and some other stuff to eat tonight. I can finally have my first cup of tea of the day - it is some kind of addiction. Am I addicted to caffeine? Or tea? Eh, it won't kill me and it's not like it's drugs or alcohol. 

Latte is being extremely naughty now and she is being put into the other room to calm down - well I thought it would calm her down but she is just barking and whining more. I can't win with her. She stresses me out! 

It has been 5 minutes and she hasn't stopped barking so I have let her out - she has just become clingy and like a little angel. Ugh why are those puppy eyes working so well, stop being so cute, you are naughty! 

Ugh she just made me spill some of my bru and she just laid in it... time to give her a shower.

I guess I have to go.

Until next time,

Much love, 

Why I hate my landlord.

Today wasn't that eventful to be honest, however, it was quite cosy spending time with Daniel and Latte in the flat. We have been looking for other places to live because our stupid Landlord sent us a letter. It said:

"Dear Sirs

RE: Your Dog

We believe you may have a dog at your property. Please make arrangements to re-home your dog as we do not allow dogs in our properties. It is even more important that you get rid of your dog as we have just had the whole building treated for fleas.

Kind regards

P***** P*********"

Here is what I had to say to this letter.

1. I am not a Sir you bitch.
2. You knew I had Latte here for a good few weeks now. Daniel rang the landlord's employees BEFORE we got Latte and told them about the puppy and they said it would be fine! The landlord even said she was there at the time of the call.
3. Latte DIDN'T bring the fleas in the building in the first place. Before we got Latte, some skank brought home a flea-infested cat and then decided to piss off and leave the fleas here without telling the landlord that they need to be rid of.
4. Fuck off with your 'Kind regards' you arrogant fucks. I hate you, and I will NOT be getting rid of my puppy. You can suck on a big hairy fat one. I would rather chew off my arm and eat it for dinner than get rid of Latte.

The sooner I am out of this dump the better.
Does the Landlord not realise that if I got rid of Latte, they will be getting rid of us too? It's a lose lose situation for them. They will lose out on over £400 a month and will have to find more tenants to cover it all because of a dog. So Ha! Fucking gimps.

Everyone is this building is perfectly fine with Latte and they love to spend time with her when we are all outside enjoying the sun - we even have a dog sitter from time to time who lives in the flat above.

That reminds me about the other day. Some dude knocked on my door, ran to the main door and hid behind it and said: "I need to check your fire alarms, move your dog into another room, I don't like them." There was no please or thank you and this guy was pretty stupid. He wanted to check the alarms for flat 6 and he knocked on my flat which is number 4 - he said that on the sign it says section 6 means flat 4 - which is completely wrong.

Trying to explain to him that when my alarm goes off, number 4 flashes on the alarm box, he kept telling ME that it is number 6. I think I would know, I fucking live here. So yeah, he wouldn't take no for an answer and kept telling me to move MY dog.

Excuse me, you can't knock on my door, talking utter bollocks to me, tell me where I should and shouldn't put my dog, and then try and say that my flat is at fault with the alarms. Of course I told him my alarms were fine and to actually check flat 6 - a fucking three year old could figure that out. 

Teacher: "If section 6 is flashing, what number flat would be at fault?"
Three year old: "6"
Teacher: "Well done!"

What is it with proper morons these days? Jesus Christ! 

On a positive side of today, I am getting so much better at beating Daniel on Call of Duty haha! No I am not a gamer-girl per se, but I do like to kick ass from time to time. 

Much love,

Some exciting news

Quick update and the news.

Today Daniel woke up to find that Latte had threw up on the floor (grim right?) but when I checked it, it was her pee with yellow gunk in it. I checked her 'area' and found that it was infact coming from her area, so I instantly rang the vets because it could be an infection and I didn't want to leave it to get worse.

It was around 26 Degrees or more outside and I needed to get money out from the ATM, so I walked Latte there with me. Within a couple minutes she was tired! She also tried to have a piss in the middle of the road so I had to carry her mid-way. Sorry Latte.

Ringing a Taxi, the person on the other side of the phone said it would be ten minutes so I decided to wait at Morrisons... twenty minutes later still no taxi so I rang again just to hear "he's on his way Lauren," cheers mate. I waited another ten minutes before he finally turned up with ten minutes to spare before Latte's appointment.

I double checked that it was £4 there including the dog so he said yeah. The reason I asked was because yesterday some cheeky fucker of a taxi driver tried to charge Daniel £9 to do the same route with Latte. Obviously Daniel told him where to go.  

Paying £4, I got to the Vets to find that it was some foreign dude (no offense) but he couldn't understand what I was telling him. I was trying to tell him that I found yellow gunk in her wee this morning and he kept saying: "she wees, we all wee, it's normal." DUH I know we all fucking wee! I even showed him a picture of what was up with her before I cleaned her up and he just kept saying: "Normal. Normal." I gave up and left.

Inboxing my Dad, I asked him if I should leave it until her next appointment of Friday where I can get a second opinion and he agreed. Every time I go to the Vets there is always someone knew - hopefully there will be an English person who can understand what I am saying next time.

So far Latte seems happy and there have been little signs of gunk. Hopefully it was a one time thing and she isn't going to get ill.

On the plus side of today, FC United of Manchester won three nil! Daniel had a seven hour drive to Maidenhead, I didn't go, but thankfully I was here to look after Latte and take her to a waste-of-time Vet appointment. Daniel left very early this morning and he won't be back until around half 11 tonight which is rather poo! 

My parents and siblings got back from Wales today and I have missed them. I did want to visit them today but plans got changed - I spent the day with my baby today instead. It has been pretty lonely, but at least I wasn't completely on my own - I have the TV of course *wink* and my puppy.

What's the exciting news?

I have FINALLY done it! I have actually published my first ever Vlog! Click this -> YOUTUBE to find my vlog. I am so excited! (sorry for the bad quality, it was by webcam. I don't have a video camera yet haha!)

WARNING: It is based about my 'Your POV is wrong' post that I was forced to take down. It explains why I posted it and why I want to put it back on.

Time to pay COD Ghosts now cos Daniel has just got in ! 

See you later!

Mr. De-Flea guy.

Sick of arrogant men who literally don't have a life but try and tell me what to do with my own flat and my own pet.

That's right, some bloke, who looks like an English version of the man vs food presenter but is much fatter and hairier, decided that because he was the guy who was de-fleaing my flat, he would tell ME what to do. 

Waking up at nine o'clock in the morning to my neighbour telling me the de-flea guy, who has turned up an hour early may I add to spray the flat, wants me to get out now so he can do his work. I wasn't even dressed, I was in my underwear (I went to the door in my dressing gown of course,) and I needed time to get ready, fold down Late's cage, hide everything that is dog related (the landlord didn't know I had a dog,) and walk Latte whilst my neighbour looks after my flat whilst I am gone.

I was pretty much forced to rush. How wrong was the de-flea guy to think he had the right to chuck me out of my own flat.

That's not even the worst part. When I opened the door, Latte ran to him and he said: "Oh, you have a dog, get it off me." Yes Mr. Cunt. Do you want me to polish your flip flops too? Yeah because I can catch a puppy that is running and licking his leg in the space of a minute. He even had the cheek to tell me that the puppy shouldn't even be out of the flat at nine weeks.

Do you go to the vet appointments Mr. De-flea guy?
Did the vet tell you that the puppy can go out in the garden at her age?
Did you see her have two injections and be chipped so it's okay?
Oh, I didn't think so.

Did he expect me to leave the puppy in the flat whilst he sprayed liquid that could kill Latte?

This does not make sense. He tells me that my puppy shouldn't be out at her age, but she also had to get out of the flat because he was spraying it. What did he want me to do with her? Tie her to the door? Get my neighbour to look after her? Oh... Oh I know! I would balance her on the top of my head because she can't go on the floor outside or in the flat can she? Perfect! 

Fucking gimp.

The de-flea guy dares to tell ME to first get out of my own flat because he has work to do, tell me that my puppy shouldn't be out in the garden yet she can't stay in the flat, and then he even has the balls to act like I am a fucking dumb ass bitch. 

He told me that he sprayed her food by accident and not to feed it to her because it will kill her.
DUH! Tell me something I don't know you fat lard.

Is it because I am a nineteen year old girl?
Does he think I can't think for myself?
Do I have "DUMB" written across my forehead?
Does he not realise that I live in a flat WITH MY PARTNER and can look after MYSELF?

Yes Mr. De-flea guy, you may parent me and talk to me like a piece of shit. Here, have a cream cake. Sorry, i've sprayed it with your flea spray. May you suffer a painful and slow death you arsehole.

What's even funnier. Mr. Cunt probably grassed on me and Daniel having Latte because our landlord rang us today and confronted us about Latte. Thing is, their employees knew about the puppy so the landlord said: "oh I was there when you rang, let me speak to *name.*" So it isn't all bad. Her employees will get a earful, not us!

Seriously though, I could have punched Mr. De-flea guy, but I had to control myself - I needed the flat spraying of course. 

Much love,

Why I need a kick up the backside

Why am I so unhealthy. I am not fat, not at all, I just feel like crap everyday. My insides feel like they have committed suicide and are just flopping around like a dead arm - like this.

All I eat is junk, canned and packets of food - I need to start having fruit, veg and meat to keep me going. I feel so glum and gross like I have been living off chocolate and haribos for a day. Do you know the feeling where at Christmas you have eaten so much, but because it is there, you just want more chocolate and because you have eaten more than you can handle, you feel so full that you're about to give birth to a food baby? That is how I feel everyday from eating what I shove down my throat.

Drinks are worse. I constantly just have fizzy drinks and cups of tea; some NHS site says too much caffeine prevents you from getting pregnant. Right now that is great for me! I can't use any contraception because I am one of those "rare" girls that rejects the hormones, which is pretty dumb to be honest. It is so unfair, I have to be extra extra careful. More caffeine for me! 

Honestly, my whole diet is preventing me from getting pregnant I guess. I can't have canned food, peas, caffeine, sugary drinks, certain types of fish, and alcohol. I don't drink so that's like, what, 16.6% more chance of getting pregnant? My diet is my contraceptive. 

Pass me that burger please.

If I changed my diet and drank more water, ate more healthy food and exercised more I would feel so much more lighter, less full, healthier, energetic, bouncy etc, but I also have a higher chance of conceiving.

Knowing all this, I wondered, is it better to stick to the bad diet I have now and feel glum but also have less chance of getting pregnant, or should I have a healthier diet and up my chances of having an unwanted pregnancy? Decisions decisions. What do you recommend?

What is so ironic right now, is that a pregnicare advert just came on TV... coincidence? 

Anyways... though I feel so eat-your-heart-out plump, I think I should take into account that I need to change my diet for my health. I used a thesaurus to see what other words I could use instead of fat (I didn't want to come off as patronising) and one of the substitute words was hefty. WTF I haven't heard this word in years.. but I must admit, I used to say hefty all the time and I am quite embarrassed about it. Was I crazy? Fucking loon.

Here are some other substitute words that I found funny (in a none horrible way):
"Elephantine"   Wtf is this?
"Jelly belly"
"Whalelike"      Bit harsh!

Or the most over used excuse for being fat:
"Big boned."
Big boned my arse haha! 

Here are some substitute words that I found funny for 'thin people':
"Angular"               Thin people look like this :   L    ?
"Like a rail"

There are some strange subs out there.. why can't we just be genuine and just say fat or skinny/thin? What is up with us? Are we scared of the truth? Some of us need the truth for things that need to be changed. I know I am a flabby size 6 and need to change my diet and lifestyle choices, and I know that larger people need to change their diet also to be healthier inside and out. 

To be honest, everyone needs to change their diet and be more healthy so we can live longer. We can't live off junk food and drinks, and we can't live off water and air - we all need to compromise a healthy diet so we can live as long as we can.

There are obvious challenges to face when we try and be as healthy as we can, but it would be worth it in the long run. Sprinting to overcome the challenge will never work and going at a snail pace will just be pointless, we all need a kick up the backside. Next time I see that beautiful, fluffy, sugary blueberry muffin winking and calling my name through the glass holder, I will have to hold up an imaginary middle finger and tell that muffin where to go. 

Be strong Lauren, be strong.

Here is something that I read on the guardian website that made me realise that I would be extremely unhealthy at 24 if I stayed this weight:

"The analysis looked at the BMI (body mass index) of nearly a million people who had been weighed and measured in 57 separate studies, mostly in Europe and North America. On the BMI scale, calculated by dividing an individual's weight in kilograms by the square of their height in metres, more than 25 is considered overweight and more than 30 obese.People in the study - funded by the Medical Research Council, the British Heart Foundation and Cancer Research UK - were followed for up to 20 years, during which time 100,000 died."
"The best BMI to have, the researchers found, is about 24 - the group with the lowest mortality rate. For somebody 5ft 7in (170cm) high, that would equate to a weight of about 70kg, or 11 stone.People who were moderately obese, with a BMI of 30 to 35, which is now common, died three years earlier than they would have done at a normal weight. Severe obesity, with a BMI between 40 and 50, cut the lifespan by 10 years. That is as life-shortening as smoking - but severe obesity is still rare, affecting about 2% of the population."

Last time I checked my BMI was last year and it was 17 - I was borderline underweight. Let me just go online to the NHS site and check my current BMI.....

My current BMI is for someone who is 5 foot 4 inches (162.56cm) and weighs 7 stone 6 pounds (47kg) is:

It is WORSE than borderline underweight it is almost in the Red area... fuck... changing my diet would be extra good for me. I can't believe my BMI has only gone up by 0.7 in a year.... great.

After reading the article, feeling so glum everyday, and checking my BMI, I have come to the conclusion that changing my diet is what's best for me.

I definitely need a kick up the backside.

Much love,

Everyone else's life

Think it is time to give you an update on life... well Daniel's life.. hell to that - EVERYONE ELSE'S LIFE EXCEPT MINE.

Why not mine?

Well people of the world, it is because I am temporarily a house wife. Yep, I have no job and I spend my day looking for work, cleaning the whole flat until it's gleaming, and I look after the puppy. The thing that is wrong with the whole 'house wife' situation is (i) I am a fiancee not a wife (ii) I am bored most of the time (iii) when the cleaning is done, I have to find something to keep me entertained (iiii) the puppy isn't allowed to go on walks until Friday so she wrecks the place (iiiii) i am constantly cleaning up piss and shit (not mine don't be crude.)

Being a house wife isn't all bad though (i) I can do what I want (ii) Lazy day is everyday (iii) I can blog more and keep my readers happy (iiii) cups of tea and TV is my new thing especially watching Sex and the City. Oooh, more pros than cons - maybe I should be a permanent house fiancee? I do like to earn my own money though and my phone contract is almost being suspended because I haven't paid the bill. Oops.

What's so good about Daniel's life?

Well good question - he lives with me of course, that's why his life is so good. I'm kidding, he probably wishes he was with someone else, living somewhere else and happier (not really, I am awesome.) Daniel has a great full time job that is a 10/5 thing and he loves it; though the long hours do bore him when he has nothing to do and he does wish he was at home with me and the puppy (see told you i was awesome.) This hard worker loves his life, but we are due to move out of the flat soon because the landlord's employees are absolute wankers. 

Why? The reason being, on Saturday we had to bring out a plumber because the employees sent out some dodgy maintenance dude to fix the roof end of last year (the water was leaking through the light fitting (see Archives from 2013)) so the water had decided to leak through the boiler now instead. Now, the landlord's wanker employees don't have an out-of-hours number so we couldn't ring them for them to send out a plumber, so we had to take matters into our own hands. 

The plumber is sending an invoice to the employees but they are refusing to pay it because 'we have no right to ring a plumber' and it is 'not their problem.' So these twats are getting their arses sued. How dare they say we have no right to ring a plumber when they have no out-of-hours number and we didn't want to risk water dripping from the boiler to the electronic gas metre below it. Like we are going to leave the water to possibly set fire to the place. ABSOLUTE TWATS. How dare they also say that it's not their problem, of course it's THEIR problem, the boiler, electrics etc. are their responsibility - we didn't cause the problem, their dodgy maintenance guys did.

So after this incident, both me and Daniel are looking for a new place to live - a house possibly. This place is now too small for us so we need a bigger place anyway. 

What are you going to talk about when you say: "Everyone else's life?"

With this, I mean my family. My Mum, Step-dad and two of my siblings are currently on holiday in Wales and I am slightly jealous - they are sat on the beach, soaking up the sun and getting a tan, whilst I am stuck inside cleaning up poo. Great. Knowing they are on holiday and having a great time, makes me wish that it was September now and I was jetting off to sunny Spain - hurry up September, this little blonde pale girl needs a tan and a cocktail by the pool! 

I am glad they are having a great time after the year that they have had.. I can just say it has been extremely stressful and they deserve happiness and a break from everything and everyone. Not being with them is a little sad because I have been on every holiday they have been on and now I am 19, engaged and living with my fiance, I can't couldn't go on holiday with them. Sucks. At least I can look forward to Spain, even though I have already been to Switzerland this year. 

Ah well, Switzerland was a football holiday where we were surrounded by hundreds of people we see all the time in Manchester, so Spain is mine and Daniel's alone and together holiday. Perfect really

So there's the update.

Oh Latte has now had her second injection and has been chipped. If anyone steals my baby, I will hunt you down, slice your hands off and feed them to the dogs I will be able to track where she is, get the police to arrest you and everything can go back to normal.

See you later.

Much love, 

Hold onto your hats

Do you know what I have realised?

I don't give a mo'fucking goose is you don't like me. Wow. That was good to say! That's a crumb off my shoulder. Now time for the other shoulder.

If you don't like what I have to say, go read someone else's blog. If you love me then I love you and you have permission to keep reading. Fuck it, if haters hate but still read my blog anyway, hurrah! Keep reading bitches... what's male for bitches? Bitchette.. no that's female... Bitchoid? Oooo I like that, it's so futuristic.

Male's if you are Bitchoids, you are awesome, but I hate you. FABULOUS

I hate myself for being such a bitch. I love myself really, I am so self absorbed, can't you tell from my Instagram pictures? Go ahead, follow me. But hey, I love being a bitch so bitch off, bitch.

Haha why so serious? Smile! 

Freedom of speech and all that jazz. I love jazz, smooth jazz, the blues brothers an all that. Hand me that saxophone and I will grind up on that shit and make love to it. I don't really, they suck. 80's classic rock for the win!

Speaking of Blue. Guess what song ALWAYS comes into my head when I hear the word blue? This of course: I'm blue da ba dee da ba dii, da ba de da ba di, da ba di da ba di. I'M BLUE. I love this song, it is so nostalgic. 

Is blue good? I like baby blue, baby blue is majestic and cool. Blue in football is code for BOO YOU SUCK. Ugh City, yuck, yak, hurl, fuck you blues. RED ALL THE WAY.

I don't like football. Except FCUM! The world cup almost got me slitting my wrists, sitting in a bath and drowning myself to the sounds of whales. I'm kidding calm down, I only nearly hung myself.

Crazy thoughts, crazy thoughts. Haha going insane in this post! THOUGHTS THOUGHTS... food? Ohh food? Ah I could do with a bru right now. Tea FOUR please. 

Yes that's right, four sugars, I have a mo'fucking sweet tooth. Deal with it. I have no enamel on my teeth too so i'm fucked. Holey teeth here I come! Don't be gross, I have good teeth/mouth hygiene. I was given medicine that removed my enamel forever when I was born to help me stay a live.

Staying a live, staying a live, a, a, a, a, Staying a liiiiii-iiii-iiiiive. 

So yeah, I am alive with no enamel on my teeth so it is extra hard to not have to get fillings EVERYTIME I go to the dentist. I am pretty sure that the dentist purposely makes holes in my teeth with that spiky shiny thing - he must be bored and pick me to be a victim every single time.

This is like a hate-fest post right? You hate it? GOOD.

Another thing I hate is when people throw the R word around wayy to much that it is losing it's meaning. What is the R word you ask? Well it is Racist. Yep, Racist.

This word has been thrown at me many of times for no reason at all. I have been called R for saying "what is their bible thing called?" How is that Racist? Another reason I have been called R is because I support our country in stopping illegal immigrants from getting into the country and claiming OUR benefits straight away.

I mean c'mon, we work our arses off to pay bills and taxes and these bitches and bitchoids come into the country, get a house, free education, and free health care when they don't deserve it. If they have lived in the UK for over 5 years and actually worked for a living, then I would be happy for them and their NEXT generation to claim benefits. Work for it stupid. 

Plus, you shouldn't get free health care and free education. You only traveled over here for our FREE stuff so fuck off back to your own country you scrounging bastards. Even if you have lived here for 5 years, you should still pay some money towards health care and education because us British have worked our whole lives to pay for that shit.

Not "shit" I love our lively hoods, but illegal immigrants stamping on our parade with their high hopes is just making us all mad and want to create a mob towards you all.

It's not Racist to support your own country and support our right to our OWN money, living accommodation, education and health care.

Ugh this subject can now stop. I am not R. Call me R and I will call you much worse. 

I am a bitch. Don't test me.

Wow I am in such a bitch mood today. I feel sorry for Daniel for when he comes home from work. He loves me sooo much forevs n everyfink innit so its reet fam... can you believe idiots talk like this in Manchester. It's stupid, you went to school, speak English you goons.

What else do I hate?

Oh yeah people like THIS:  . How stupid can you get?

Finally, I hate that Social Media crap thing called Pinterest. What is with that shit? I have a fridge, you have a fridge, print out and pin that shit on the fridge. Maybe your alphabet magnets will finally come in handy so you can stop rearranging them into words like "I Love You" or "Milk" when you are bored.

I swear too much, I have deleted many of many swear words in this post so if you think there still is a lot, then my bad.

I think my bitchiness is rubbing off on my puppy too. She is a right bitch. I hate her. I love her. Fuck it - she is AMAZEBALLS. A-maaaaze-ballllllsss. She bites though, like me, we are like the Louis Suarez's of Manchester. That's right, I will bite your arm and your shoulder if you cross me. I dare you to cross me. (Humour, I don't bite.) 

Believe it or not I have never done a post like this before. Why? Well because I thought it would be too weird. I now realise that weird is good. Good weird, not weird weird. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Maybe I should start a vlog instead of writing down my bitch thoughts, I can proudly shout them to the world and have you watch my amazingness. How about that? Vote yes or no to vlog. GO!

Gotta run, my dogs just shit on the floor.


My darkest years

When I was around fourteen or fifteen years old, I began to wonder what it would be like if I was skinnier and could look like one of those models you see on the cover of Vogue, so I began to cut down on my meals, but food quickly became my enemy and it got out of control.

Update on my life

First, how about an update on my beautiful puppy? 

Latte is now 8 weeks and 3 days old and she is getting so big - she is growing faster than I thought! At her age, I thought she would be smaller but she is rapidly growing - stay small! Latte is now fatter and taller and quite frankly, naughtier.

Biting, barking and growling is her new habit which is seriously frustrating. Whenever is say "No" she will just do it more and bark louder and it seems that Daniel is the only one that can calm her down. I think she hates me. I am not even exaggerating - she literally hates me.

You see so many people being proud of their dogs and showing how much they love them and vise versa but when it comes to me and Latte, she doesn't get along with me and just pisses me off. 

She runs off to the bedroom when she has been naughty, even though she knows she has been naughty, she will just keep doing it. I love her, but she doesn't love me. When Daniel goes to work, she will run to me for attention. Attention seeking dog.

However, when Daniel is at home, she will be all over him and be happier. If she carries on hating me, when she gets older she may get more aggressive towards me but hopefully that doesn't happen and she gets closer to me.

Do you want to see a picture of my baby taken today?

Here you go!

Look at those fat layers.
How can you be so cute but a little shit at the same time?

Cute isn't she? Little shit.

Any-hu, Daniel is currently at work but before he went he managed to wake me up at 6am by making noise in the kitchen which also made Latte bark. THEN, he decided to put Latte on the bed. Bad thing is, when she is on the bed, she climbs all over me and tries to bite my nose, ears, arms and hands and won't take No for an answer. 

So I plonked her on the floor and was wide awake at 6am on a day I don't have to do anything. Actually, there are supposed to be people coming round to the block of flats to de-flea the place, but I doubt they will turn up when they were supposed to come last Wednesday. This time when the come round I am just going to tell the to Fuck Off as a reason of sorting the fleas out myself. 

Because they didn't turn up last week, I decided that I would take the matter into my own hands and de-flea the place myself. If they can't be arsed once, they don't get a second chance to try and come round - gimps. 

I also have to go to the hospital today for two scans and possibly a small operation but hopefully it won't come to that - I am scared to go under even though it is a simple operation. The Doctors will only need to put a camera in my belly button to search for something wrong with me.

Having many tests in the past couple years and everything coming out negative, so-called Doctors saying that I am normal, and being referred back and forth from the hospital has really taken it's toll. Some Doctors say that there is something wrong and I need lots of tests to find out what it is, and other Doctors saying i'm fine and I should go home.

I am not fine. I think I would know if I was fine.

If I was fine I wouldn't need to have scans and possibly an operation today now would I? 

The flea people turned up around 11:30am and it was fine for me to go out, I couldn't be bothered telling them to go away. My lovely neighbour invited me up to his place for a bru with Latte whilst my flat was getting sprayed; he is a great person and he is easy to talk to. He even offered to take Latte for walks when she is old enough because once he has had an operation on his leg, he will be able to walk properly - he loves Latte also!

Here are some self absorbed selfies of me that you can enjoy *wink*. Please tell me whether smiling or not smiling is better as I am quite self-conscious about my smile. I one day hope to get my gums shrunk to bring out more teeth on show.

Serious face haha! 
Unintentional of course.

And smile.
Try not too concentrate on my teeth

Now the flat is all done (13:00pm) I can finally put Latte's stuff back where it belongs. The landlord doesn't know I have Latte so I had to take down her cage, grab all of her toys, empty her bowl, and shove it all in the wardrobe.

Apparently the landlord' son is a bit of an arse hole so I had to take Latte out of the building and walk round the park with her until my neighbour let me know the son had gone. Like I said before, my neighbour then invited me to his flat whilst mine was drying.

Daniel and I are also going to be looking at the flat at the top floor of the building because we need to move into a bigger flat. The top floor flat is currently being refurbished, maintenance being done and sorted, and carpet is being laid down, so once that is all done, we will be having  a nosy. We don't want to be on the bottom floor anymore because it is too small, plus having the main door in front of our door is really getting on my tits.

Next Monday, the people are coming to de-flea the flat again and the following Friday they are underlay under the carpets and putting new ones down on the stairs and in the hallway - it is way too loud when people walk around. Everything will be more quiet - thank god.

Questions/thoughts of the day:

Why do people act different in front of the camera?
Why do they talk like they have a shitty script and dramatize a conversation?
Why has Cheryl Cole got a married only after three months of dating. Will it last longer than Kim K's before she gets divorced?
Will everything be okay at the scan and I won't need the operation?
Imagine if David Beckham was your Dad... so wrong on many levels. If I was 25 years older, I would go for him. Ah well, I can drool over his picture anyway.

Time to stop gibbering.

Much love,

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