I got it done again

Such a drag start to the day YESTERDAY. I know, I know, I forgot to blog about my day yesterday, so here's today and yesterday for you. You're welcome.


Alex and I thought it would be wise to set our alarms for 09:30am, a few hours before we were due to leave the house, but we both couldn't remember turning our alarms off when they went off in the morning, which then lead us to getting up late.

Bummer. Though we knew we only had an hour to get ready, we still lay in bed chatting instead - whoops. I didn't even have an outfit ready so I was rushing up and downstairs looking for something to wear. In the end, I decided to dress like a twelve year old:


However, even though it is a cute outfit, I came to realise that it is also winter, so I had to wear tights. Plus I left my converse at home so I was stuck wearing boots. OOTD isn't as good as I had hoped; do me a favour and imagine no tights and I am wearing converse. Cheers. Thanks. 

As it was cold outside, I wore Alex's friend's grandpa cardigan which is so cosy. Plus it matched my outfit so it was s'all good!

Just because.

There was nothing for me to get excited about for the day except that I was going to head off to Prestwich for my Universal Credit appointment and then head home to bore myself to death. so I rang Katie to see what she was upto.

I set the day off by walking with Alex to the bus stop, and the sad thing is, I didn't get to say goodbye to him properly as the result of the bus turning up straight away! Let me just tell you something that surprised me. 

OK, well the bus journey that I usually go on to get to Bury takes about 40 minutes so I thought I would give myself plenty of time to get there in case of traffic and what-not, so I got the bus at 13:00pm. The bus stupidly broke down after only five minutes of driving and I had to sit there for ten minutes before the next bus was due so I can change to that one, but once it turned up I had to wait five minutes for the bus drivers to switch buses. Finally, the bus set off and I was in Bury ten minutes later, which makes the whole journey only twenty minutes long. 

HOW?! How has it taken twenty minutes less time to get to Bury when it broke down AND only took that long when it usually takes 40 minutes. I'm shocked. Genuinely shocked. But at least I could meet Katie quicker and go shopping as I has £30 worth of vouchers to abuse. I spent £18 worth of make-up and then realised I had a spare £20 note to abuse too.

Readers who know me through my blog, you know for a fact that when I shop and have spare money that I will think of something so spontaneously out of the blue that I am awesome enough to go through with it. Guess what I did?

I got:

Who says size 6UK girls aren't curvy?

How cute is it? I got it in Turquoise! Last time I got it done I was in Afflex in Manchester City Centre, and it turned bad. Well not infected bad, but blister bad. What are they called? Keloids? Well anyway, I decided that I would get it done at P2 in Bury instead.

How cute can the guy behind the counter be? I mean, not in looks but the way he talks to his customers. The total for the piercing and the bar itself was more than I had, so I told him I only have £20 on me, so he said I can just have it done and have the bar for only £20. I LOVE HIM. He is always so nice when I get my piercings done; he did my nose piercings in the past.

I love my belly bar, I missed it. However, you can now see how much weight I have lost and the scars from my last belly piercing, because I now have two scars next to my new belly bar. The last one I had, I was bigger and it was slanted, but now it is straight and I have lost weight. Eh, oh well. It's not even noticeable until I point it out.

Anyway, once I had got it done, I had a quick stop at Katie's house and then she drove me to Prestwich for my appointment. She is such a babe. Traffic was horrendous though - road works everywhere, plus school traffic. Ugh. I was on time though luckily!

Sadly, the traffic was even worse after my appointment so I thought I would cheer myself up and buy myself a Costa. Yum. If you are from Manchester, UK, and get the bus on the 98 First Bus route, you will know that it is one of the worst for timetables and being on time; I waited forty minutes for a bus but at least it was sunny and quite warm for this time of the year.

Though the bus finally came, I was sat in traffic for almost an hour. It should have took twenty minutes to get home, but NO, there had to be road works, school traffic, and after-work traffic. Typical. 

I pretty much chilled for the rest of the time because I was so tired and I could not be arsed..... until Hayley invited me to go watch her at the local pub for the pool match. I was only there an hour on a Wednesday, calm your tits. I then went home, put YouTube on, watched Vlogs, then went bed. Night sorted.


Dayum! I woke up lay on my belly. Do you know how much that hurts when you have only had your navel pierced the day before? Fuck me I was in agony. Even when I stood up it felt like my belly was stretching - I folded up my vest top and let my belly breath hoping the pain would subside. 

If you haven't already noticed, my blog today is sounding like a Diary entry, but to be extremely honest, I couldn't care less. People in the past have moaned, but all I can say is: "if you don't like it, don't read it." What more could I possibly advise and say? Moaners, ugh.

Twelve hours sleep I had today and I was so damn happy! I couldn't sleep the night before and only got about an hour and a half, so to whoever calls me lazy: Screw You. Woke up at 15:00 but only because my Mum rang me to tell me to get my arse outta bed. Yes, Miss! Literally, today has been so uneventful and so boring. Even Katie has fallen asleep on my couch covered in my blanket - bless her. She looks so peaceful. I would take a picture but i'm not in a cruel mood haha. 

I even did my make-up ready for the plan we were supposed to do tonight, which was to watch her friend's gig. Shame it isn't happening, but if she's too tired then it's fine. I will just take lots of Selfies so my make-up isn't 'wasted.'

#NikaFriday is tomorrow but sadly I haven't heard anything from Nika so I am not sure if I am going to have to cancel tomorrow. Bummer. Don't be upset okay, i'm sure next Friday will be on schedule.

Today's entry isn't so interesting so i'm just going to end it right here. Hope you have a great sleep or a great day depending on where you are in the world.

Much love,


It's almost half past midnight and I haven't even started updating my Universal Jobmatch account, where I put in the notes box all the jobs I have applied for. I update it either the night before or a few hours before I am due to leave to travel two hours to the place where I am sat for about 4 minutes then told I can leave - pointless journey.

I job hunt all through the week because I gotta do 35 hours worth of job hunting and applying for jobs, write down on paper all the jobs I have applied for and interviews I have been to (including phone calls) and then the night before my appointment I will update my Universal Jobmatch account.

Kidding! I do 35 hours worth of job hunting and writing it all in my notes box the night before my appointment. Who needs a whole week to do it? If you do, then you have serious problems, my friend. You can do 35 hours worth in one night. Obviously, you will be ringing and having phone calls from employers during the week so that doesn't count with the whole 'night before' thing.

Maybe it's just the way I do things, who knows? It has always been like this for me including when I was in High School and College. Let's just talk about College projects okay? Well I was set to do projects at least once a month and given that month to do the whole project including finalising it all, but like it has always been, I will sit about talking and helping others with theirs before I even consider doing my own.

I literally did all of my work in the last week it was due in - I still got good grades. Whaddup positive laziness! All in all, I still got my target grade at the end of the two years and I got my Diploma. DMM bitches! I could have worked harder and got a DDD but I really wasn't that clever; I am still good at what I love doing most.

Want to see my view right now?

Damn you TV, why you gotta distract me from Job Hunting? Actually, Blogger is distracting me but I gotta write down my thoughts. And right now, my thoughts are about how I am easily distracted and about my positive laziness. I am also watching Vlogging videos because I have recently become obsessed so if you are a LIFESTYLE Vlogger please leave your links in the comment box. Thanks. 

Please don't send me Make-up and beauty tutorials, because if you haven't guessed already, I am not a beauty or a make-up fan. Basically, everyday is a scruffy hair-up-no-make-up kinda day, unless I go out, then it is natural make-up day with winged eyeliner.

And now Alex has just put the film Immortals on. NICE ONE. Now i'm not going to get any work done!

Does anyone remember Latte? My readers who have been following my blog from the very beginning, or as from last year, will know what I am talking about, so HOLLA to you beauties! Well I don't have Latte anymore and I have a new boyfriend. Alex and I have decided that we want to get a puppy of our own and we have been searching for one we can adopt but have had no luck.

Out of nowhere, the Vet I got in touch with a while ago got in touch and asked us if we are still interested in the puppy. Of course we are! This puppy was abandoned when it was a few days old, and was found in a bin. Who the mother'effer would put a new born puppy in a bin?

Do people not have hearts? If your dog gives birth, don't dump the puppies, send them to the RSPCA, dumb fucks. Have a heart! So anyway, as I was saying, I was told that the puppy is still up for adoption and I couldn't be happier. I finally get to have my baby! 

When I say baby, I mean my own little critter I can say is my own and look after it as if it was actually my baby. The puppy is only a couple weeks old, so the Vet is coming to do a house visit, then Alex and I are going to be visiting the puppy at it's home until it is old enough to come live with us. 

We are not sure what breed the puppy is but it looks like a cross breed between a Jack Russell, German Shepherd, and a Beagle. The puppy is a boy, and is called Dexter. Cutest. Name. Ever.

Want to see a picture of the little critter?

Dexter, the unknown breed of cuteness!

I love him. I love him. I LOVE HIM! Look at that face!

To the none-dog lovers who are knocked sick by the sight of the sweet little babies, shame on you! You are the ones who will dump this baby in a bin you absolute munters. I love Dexter, he is soon-to-be Alex and my baby. Eeek! 

Updated: due to changes in plans, I will not be getting Dexter anymore. Gutted.

Much love,

Will the real Lauren please stand up.

I want to tell you beautiful souls all how classy I really am. 

So currently, I am sat on the loo (TMI) peeing out my kidneys, or a lung, depending on how extremely dramatic I am feeling today, and I am leaning down to the floor to type this blog post. Dedication yo! 

Water Infections are my life, and it sucks. I hate it, don't make me hate you too, appreciate what you have and stop moaning about how you need to pee. At least you can pee without feeling like there is a fireball strolling slowly down your urinary tract taking the piss... get it? That pun was awful.

Seriously sick of these water infections. The bathroom has now become my living room - I spend most of my time in here! The laptop is on the floor, YouTube is streaming, and I am [disgustingly] drinking my bru in here. Okay, I spend a lot of time in here and I can't keep walking downstairs when I am thirsty - do you want my bladder to fall out whilst I waddle down the stairs?

Classy bird, I am.. right? This is the most disgusting TMI post I have written, but hey, blogs are all about being yourself and being true to your readers/viewers/fans too! I'm joking, I have no fans. 

However, I have noticed that I have a lot of silent readers. Don't be shy, there is a comment box for a reason, I even have my email address and social media sites available for you to contact me and tell me feedback. You can even tell me how much you hate/love my blog or me, depending on what you're going for. 

Want to hear something amazing [to me]? Last time I checked my Google+ views I was only on 96,000 on the 6th February/15 but when I re-checked again yesterday it was a crazy amount and I reached my goal. Check it out:

Are you proud of me? I'm extremely over the moon with this! I reached my milestone of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND VIEWS on my Google+ page and I couldn't have done it without you absolute beauties!

The link is on the left of my blog. You can see the little picture with a mini bio. Go ahead, click and see the truth *chuffed smily face.*

Anyhow, I have finally got myself off the loo at 01:40am... I was sat on there for a good few hours. Luckily the laptop was there as well as my phone. I am writing nonsense and I don't know why I am still am writing nonsense.

Oh, oh! Who remembers my old friend Guy? MY ex-fiance's ex-best friend? Guy got back in touch like a sweetheart and has invited me to go for a coffee sometime in late March/ early April for a catch up seen as he has been in N. Ireland for almost a year! I miss Guy. He's such a top Guy. Get it? Damn I am on fire with the puns today. Guy told me he still reads my blog - melts my heart when people tell me they do and they love it. 

Guy told me i'm "something else" when I asked if he still reads my blog; no idea what he means though. He said that he likes how well I have done with it and how I look good doing it - no idea what that means either but I am taking it as a compliment. Thank you Guy! I know you're reading this, so Shout-Out to my boy Guy! Love ya!

This was a short update, I just got bored now and I need to give Alex some attention seen as he got home almost 5 hours ago and I haven't had a conversation with him yet.

My bad.

Much love,

Life as a 'nit-picker'

A nit picker is someone who picks out certain things that agitate them, annoy them, or simply frustrates them. Other ways to be a nit-picker is when you have OCD and common things just scrape their fingernails on your blackboard.

I am a nit picker, I am, and I can't help it. There are negatives and positives to this habit of mine, I may come off as bitch at times, but sometimes things grind my gears that much I have to say something about it.

Big-ish and small [to me] things that get on my tits:

1. People getting your and you're mixed up.

How hard is it to get you're and your right, seriously? 

Think of it this way:

If something is yours, then the other person would say: "is that your toy?"
If someone is saying a compliment to you or saying things about you, then the person would say: "you're beautiful" or "you're late." As in YOU ARE.

How difficult is that to understand? When typing your 'your's and 'you're's, say it whilst you type it, it is then easier to know the difference. Instantly correcting people as soon as I see this mistake is a must, and if it is not corrected I will feel agitated for the rest of the day; OCD? Maybe.

2. The City Preachers. 

Not the ones who stand there holding a bible and reading a few lines upon request, but rather the ones that stand next to two huge bass-bouncing in-your-face speakers whilst preaching the whole bible into a microphone that you just want to smack them around the head with.

The thing that just agitates me about these type of preachers, is the fact people are forced to listen to them, forced to hear about what they may or may not believe in, forced to walk through the City Centre unable to hear their own trail of thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for beliefs and religions. I believe in things myself and who knows, there may even be a God out there. I, for one, do not believe in God, however, I do believe in the supernatural. I am no person to judge, so do not judge me.

3. Noises people make whilst chewing and breathing loudly.

This, for a fact, is something so common that almost everyone I bring this subject up to holds up their hands in agreement. How can people be so ill-mannered? 

Okay, some people may have sinus problems and need to breath only out of their mouth, but to those who do not have a problem, learn to breath silently and learn to breath through your nose whilst you chew your god-damn food you utter spanners

4. Bras.

Can't. I just can't. I guess I am a true 90's baby after all; bras are a no go unless I feel I HAVE to wear one with a certain outfit. To me, I would rather let my breasts bounce freely - I have the shape and the size to do so and I don't care who notices my freedom. 

Straps being over my shoulders and buckles on the back pulling in my chest just make me feel like I am being suffocated. Bras agitate me so much, I need to feel like I can breath and not in a restraint jacket all day long. LET ME BE FREE! 

5. Social Media Beggars 

Everyone is an amateur in the beginning of everything, but the amateurs I am referring to are the beggars who don't know Social Media at all. Especially with how it runs, who they are speaking to, how they are speaking to that someone, and what they should and shouldn't do in general. Not forgetting the irritable and punch-in-the-face worthy morons that do your head in. 

Let me just give you a Twitter and/or Instagram example. Now everyone wants followers and crave that attention to have as many followers and likes as possible so that they are 'internet famous,' but when it comes to the annoying amateurs who just scream ATTENTION SEEKER, you just want to point blank block them. 

Yes I am talking about the people who say "follow4follow" and "like4like." One thing I have learnt is that when you do follow them out of sympathy, they then unfollow you. Why? So they look like they have more followers than they are following to mask the fact they are Social Media Beggars.

We all hate them and we all block them.

They need to learn to be creative with their tweets and their pictures on Instagram so they EARN their follows and likes.

6. People who need a dictionary thrown at their heads.

If you can't spell by the time you are twenty years old then I guess it is time you go back to High School, maybe even Primary School, if you can't even spell the most simplest words correctly.

Every day I am surrounded by stupidity. It's just like the your and you're situation. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to leave school unless they can spell, it is so important in your life and career, and even more so necessary when you are trying to teach your kids to be illiterate.

Child: "Mummy, how do you spell sincere?"

Mum: "S-I-N-C-E-A-R"                                                       *slits wrists*

Child: "Daddy how do you spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?"

Dad: "S-U-P-E-R-C-A-N'T be arsed."

(Before I go on, no I didn't spell check illiterate or supercalifragilisticexpialidocious because I am that good. No joke.)

7. People touching and/or moving my stuff

When I leave my things where I know they are, mysteriously it goes missing or has been moved by someone unaware that I just want to slice off their hands for doing so. 

This is even worse when you share a room with your twin AND your little sister - everything gets moved. I can't even deal with people tidying up my room without me, as when my room is messy, I know where everything is - everything has a place. I always remember where I put my things when I last used them, but then some fairy comes along and decides to place it elsewhere.

Grubby hands are the worst, especially when children who have just dug for gold up their nose or just scratched their arse. Please no. Keep away from my things, I do not appreciate snot trails along my phone screen.


8. The boyfriend's ex-Mrs 

*Laughs* You know exactly what I mean. Everyone hates their current boyfriend's ex-Mrs. 

However, when this bird is still partially in your man's life and you can see the stress on his face every time she messages him, you just want to go over to her and tell her what's what and that the bitch needs to back the fuck off. 

No this is not out of jealousy because no would be jealous of her and her attitude, it's the fact that she is some slimy sleaze-bag whom needs to concentrate on her own life and her child, as well as her boyfriend - if she even has one.  

Trying to keep her at the back of your mind, fuck, even out of your mind completely, is almost impossible especially when she still somehow annoys you! 

Ugh, time for a change of subject.

9. Men looking/talking down to/on women 

Understanding equality somehow becomes difficult to the certain men who talk and treat women like shit. How hard is it to want to have equal rights to the women? Do men like to be bigger and earn more money than women, or do men just like the fact they are the 'providers' and women 'should stay at home to cook, clean, and look after the children?'

Last time I checked, I swear we were in the 21st Century. 

I have had plenty of arguments with men who think they are bigger and better than women, I have had arguments where men have ganged up and tried to belittle me in public forums, I have had men argue with me once I stood up for myself and what I believe in.

When did it become wrong for women to voice their own opinions and fight for equality?

Women have as much human rights as men, yet we are still treated so unfairly. Women deserve respect.

10. Adverts during films

Nope, can't even talk about how irritating this is. 

Actually I can

Literally, I could kiss the people who created Sky Movies & BBC who came up with the idea that there should be a ten or fifteen minute interval between each film to get all the adverts out of the way. ITV, Channel 4 & 5, etc, take note, follow in their footsteps. For god's sake, put the adverts at the end of each film.

How annoying is it for you when you are enjoying your film and it's starts getting tense, getting good, and then BAM the adverts begin for three minutes. Film ruined.

WHY WOULD YOU PUT ADVERTS DURING FILMS? Please, please, for the love of humanity STOP this! 

11. People who have no dress sense

Unorthodox and unique is what I love in everyone and everything, but when it comes to people who just can't dress for shit, then it becomes a problem. 

There are people out there who blatantly don't own a mirror or have no dress sense, especially when they walk out of their front door looking like Charlie Brown or Shrek. Oh lord, one-shaded brown clothes with black pumps - i've seen it. I am scarred for life.

Don't even get me started on the Chavvy "wanna-be bad-mans" that walk down the street with their snap-backs, three-striped Adidas tracksuit tops, bottoms, jackets, and trainers, with their batman boxers showing as their pants have mysteriously decided to slide down to the guy's knees. Lads, it is not a good look, women like their men groomed and suited & booted.

As a nit-picker, I sadly have to admit that I do in fact pick out things I hate on a person's outfit.. Honestly, if I can't pick anything out, then you, my friend, are one hell of a dresser and deserve a standing ovation. 

12. Buffering

Ever been searching on the internet and it has been buffering for the last five minutes? Ever been on a road trip and needed a map because you're lost but your Google Maps is buffering? Ever felt my frustration with either of these?

Swear to God, if my internet is running slow, I will instantly either throw my phone or give it to my friend to suffer with the buffering. If my mobile internet doesn't work or is running slow, then I will switch it to Wifi. However, if it is still running slow, then hell has just broke loose. 

Obsessive Internet Disorder. Is this a thing? If not, it should be because I have it. Everyday I am on the internet for hours on end searching my Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Facebook Page, Blogger, Wordpress, Dayre, Emails, Google+, and occasionally using SnapChat. 

There is no end to my use of the internet, so if the buffering starts, so does the agitation and frustration. I can't not be on the internet for more than three days, as I feel a little insane by the end of those days. Buffering is awful.

Last but not least

13. Slow walkers

Excuse me. Hello? Please can I just squeeze past? Or can you pick up the pace? FOR FUCK'S SAKE MOVE YOUR ARSE OUT OF MY WAY BITCH!

We have all been there so don't even say I am nasty or fail to attempt to tell me you are some do-gooder. I am not a fast walker, per se, but I am not some tortoise plodding along like I have all the time in the world to get from point A to B.

Has anyone noticed that the slow walkers come out of hibernation when you happen to be in a rush? It's just like Taxi's, buses, or metrolink trams - they all take the piss when you need to be somewhere. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I don't even understand how anyone can honestly walk so slow, which makes me question them. Are they doing this purposely? Do they want to ruin someone's day? I completely understand if you have trouble walking or need assistance, but if you have two perfectly fine working legs, then what is your excuse?

As a nit-picker, you can see my frustrations with everyday life. Almost everything and everyone annoys me and I am pretty hard to please, unless you give me food, then I love you because I love food. All foods. I should be fat. 

Simple things like spelling mistakes, dress sense, adverts during films, bras, chewing & breathing, and slow walkers all become an impossible thing to get over or even try and ignore. I think I have some type of OCD, or am I just like everyone else? 

What grinds your gears?

Much love,

My views on Valentines day

EVERY Valentine's Day you will see girls flaunting what their boyfriends, husbands, lovers, or secret admirers have got them for Valentines, but you never really see the whole picture.

Valentines Day is just a day that was created by advertisers and card companies to earn a bit more cash. The 14th February is a day that people say is a day to remember and celebrate love. Why doesn't anyone do this everyday? Seriously, do you really need to use one day as an excuse to buy your partner flowers, chocolates, a teddy and a card? Or is it just a day to have an excuse to get a blowjob or get laid?

If you need a day to be an excuse to get laid or anything in a sexual nature, then I hate love to break this to you but you're relationship is a joke.

A day for love.. pfft makes me hurl thinking about it. You're supposed to celebrate your love everyday! Why do you need an excuse to show love? I show my boyfriend I love him everyday. Do you want to know how I show him?


How hard is it to show and appreciate your partner every day? Tell her or him you love them, kiss them, make love to them. Heck, even give them a treat! (You can take that any way you want. You know what I mean.)

I can hear the comments coming in now:
"Just because you have never gotten flowers."
"You're ugly that's why."
"No one will ever love you."

Guess what. I used to have a secret admirer as a kid where every Valentines Day I would receive a card in the post; I knew exactly who it was from by the hand writing. (No it wasn't one of my parents.) I even received chocolates and a flower too, but that still didn't change my views and judgement on the whole Valentine's Day bullshit.

Every 14th February, there will be hundreds of girls soaking up the tissues whilst watching The Notebook and P.S I Love You in their sweats as well as eating ice cream out of the tub with no remorse. Why? Because of this whole bullshit day and the fact they don't feel loved by anyone. Hate Love to break this to you ladies but if you don't receive a card or a box of chocolates, it means that the guy has the same view as me on the whole Valentines Day situation - or you're just ugly. Either or, doesn't make the slightest difference to me. 

Seriously, every day I wake up and tell my boyfriend I love him; I tell him how much I appreciate him and the things he does for me, and too me, if you really wanted to know. There is no excuse, you don't need a day that was made up for money-grabbers to show and tell the person you are married to, person you are lovers with, or the person you admire stalk from afar that you love them.

I wouldn't mind but everyone eventually throws away the card you have gotten them, or the sweet love letter you have written them. It's heart breaking, yes, but it is true. Don't waste your money. I don't even buy Birthday cards because I know for a fact that a few days later it will be thrown in the bin or shoved in a storage box that never sees the light of day.

Get a grip people!

Valentine's Day is a waste of time. You can do everything you do on the 14th February every other day of the year. No excuses.

Please comment your views on Valentines Day - even if you love it I want to know.

Much love,

Ask your husband / boyfriend this simple question

Will you still find me attractive if I was pregnant?

I read on Timothy Tiah's post on Dayre, which was all about how he feels about his wife and how he expresses his love for her whilst she is in her third trimester. Audrey sees herself as fat and ugly, but what Timothy said brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart. This is how you should see you partner in her most beautiful state. 

Part of Timothy Tiah's Post:

""Shorty (nickname for Audrey:) "I feel so ugly cuz i'm so pregnant. I'm bloated everywhere and I can't fit into all my clothes."

Timothy: "Really? I like pregnant Shorty."

Shorty: "How can? It doesn't make sense. Why would you like something fat and ugly?"

Timothy: "I think it's very cute. The way you waddle like a penguin. And besides I only get to see pregnant Shorty twice or maybe three times in my entire life. So I savor it for as long as it lasts."

I remember when I first got together with Shorty 6 years ago. Every now and then I would catch myself looking at Shorty and thinking to myself "wow I can't believe this is my girlfriend." This properly lasted for the next few years even past the honeymoon period.

Today i've kinda accepted the fact that yes that is my girlfriend or actually wife now. And that yes I am that lucky.

But who makes me feel like that now is Fighter. (Timothy and Audrey's son) Even after 18 months in my life I look at him in amazement. Thinking to myself how I can't believe this is my son. I've always wondered how my kids will be like and Fighter just surpasses whatever expectation I had.

It's amazing.""

Once I read Timothy's Dayre post, I couldn't help but turn to Alex and ask him if he ever feels lucky to have me, he replied by simply saying: "I look at you all the time and think I am the luckiest guy ever to have someone like you." How sweet is that?! I wasn't sure if he was just saying that to make me feel good about myself, but then I asked him the big question.

I asked him "Will you still find me attractive if I was pregnant?" Do you know what he replied? He said:

"You will be ever more beautiful pregnant because you will be carrying my child. You only get a few chances a life time to see the mother of your child in her most beautiful state."

I couldn't help but smile and well up. It was the most beautiful and heart throbbing thing I could ever hear. Even when I put on a little bit of weight I don't think I am attractive, but Alex reassures me and tells me that I am beautiful - he even said he can't wait for me to be pregnant. He thinks I will look amazing and he will find me even more attractive in that state. 

To be honest, I thought Alex would prefer me as a size 6 and slim, but like the kind, caring man he is, he would love it if I was carrying his child. It feels so... what's the word?.. magical? To know that your boyfriend will like it also if you was carrying his child. It's a shame he will have to wait a while before he sees me pregnant haha!

Go ahead. Ask your husband / boyfriend this simple question. 

Let me know what they say in the comments box! 

Looking forward to hearing from you beauts!

Much love, 

What should I be thankful for?

What have I got to be thankful for really?

A roof over my head?
An amazing boyfriend who let's me wake him up in the middle of the night so he can hold me tight whilst i cry?
My parents being there for me?
Everyone in my family being close?
For having such a huge supportive family?
Being able to feed myself?
For the water, electricity and gas in my house?
Having amazing friends in my life?

Or should I be thankful for:

Being jobless?
Having no money?
Crying and feeling depressed almost everyday?
Being ill myself - my health being shit?
For having IBS and mild scoliosis?
For suffering from stomach pains every single day?
Having one of my family members critically and terminally ill?

What did I do in my past life that has caused me to have such a [so far] crappy life? Did I murder someone? Wait.... was I a witch? Was I burnt to death or hung? What did I do that was so wrong?!

Why am I witnessing so much pain and suffering around me? 

Why so many fucking questions?

There has been so much deterioration in my life with so much hurt and pain, everyday I see my family member in pain and discomfort in hospital - I will witness her death one day, heck, everyone around me will one day die one way or another.

What are we really living for? Are we really born to die? What is the point?

We are born free in the NHS but we are taxed to fuck and forced to pay bills just to live with a roof over our head, food in our stomach, and water to wash & drink with. We are born, we learn, we work, we pay to live, then we die - where do we actually live in all this?

I really shouldn't make this all about me, I NEVER put me first. I always cry about other people and their problems, I always feel their pain & hurt, I always want to help them before I help myself. Not being able to help my feelings is horrible - I guess I care too much. Is that possible? Maybe I should put myself first for once.

Seriously, I don't think I can do that. I HAVE to help others first, it satisfies me and makes me feel at ease; if they are happy then I am happier and more relaxed about the people around me. Yeah I take a lot of self-absorbed "selfies" but I don't brag about my looks and life.

Many people think I am so self-absorbed with my life and they always think it's "me me me "but it's not, its "you you YOU," it always will be. Your happiness comes before mine even if I don't know you that well. I will help you before I help me. Should I change that?

Is that bad?

What should I actually be thankful for in my life though? I am still struggling to find something.

The fact that I can help others?
The fact that I will put others before myself?
The fact that I do care and I am an extremely caring person?
That when I love, I LOVE hard?

There really is no room to moan in my life; I have realised life is extremely precious and very short. I have bigger things to worry about than pains in my stomach, or being jobless, or not owning my own house, or feeling depressed everyday. Family comes first, everyone comes before me, I love my family and friends and I am supporting them right now. There is no time for me.

I have a big heart. I guess I should be thankful about that. Maybe I should be thankful that money doesn't matter to me too. If money mattered then I would find a sugar daddy, or go and look for a millionaire I could "woo."

Just remember - there are people worse off than you. 

You have lost your pony somewhere on your land that surrounds your mansion?
The person who lives in a country house could have lost their sheep/cattle that earns them money to be able to feed themselves.

Your en-suite toilet has broken so you have to use the family bathroom?
There is a person who has to use the yard bathroom everyday, even in winter and rain.

You have been given a Samsung rather than an IPhone for Christmas?
There is a person who only gets given socks on a cold Christmas morning.

You live on a mattress on the street? 
The person on the next street might just have blanket to sleep on.

There are people so much worse off than you so be thankful for what you have! 

Okay I have come to a conclusion.... or is it a verdict?

Here goes.

I am extremely thankful for what I have in my life. This includes the things that keep me alive and sane - especially my family and friends.

I am thankful for my life; the fact that everyday I wake up and breath, the fact that I am here to this day to see my family grow & to see my family pass & to see life itself. 

I am thankful for being able to support my family at tough times - at life and death situations.

I am thankful for what I have. Period.

Much love,

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